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This is is just the voice track for Sorry for the hiss. Doesn't matter so much with background music...

If you're looking for the full RECord, it's here: http://hitrecord.org/records/26252 If you don't know what this is, watch that first.

To Those Who Weren't as Lucky is the first installment in the Unfolding the Snow series. More to come.
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It's still 11:11 for me because I haven't slept. I've been working on this instead.

I'm thinking I'll put a bunch of these rants out on odd Thursdays, and eventually you guys can mix and match and make new ones. Sort of like refrigerator magnets. But with snow.

This is the first thing I've written since dan died. It was really necessary for me. He always wanted me to write poetry. I don't know if this counts, but it's what I got, so there you go.
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Just a resource. Teafaerie Unfolds the Snow.

(It's still 11:11 for me, cause I haven't slept...)
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To Those Who Weren’t as Lucky

by the Teafaerie


To those who weren’t as lucky!
a toast to our alternate selves
we thought that it must be almost all of them
but we vowed that we’d outplay even the luckiest
because we were Us
and this is what we got
but we always saluted them all
the ones who didn’t make it
the ones who just missed it
the ones who never found each other
the ones who watched TV
we saluted the careless and the unfortunate
the ones who got broken
the ones who died terrified and begging
even sooner
and more horribly
and in reverse
and the ones who never even knew what they wanted
the ones who didn’t get it because they didn’t go for it
the ones who couldn’t change enough
who couldn’t even try
the ones who compromised
and the ones who couldn’t compromise
the ones who never touched real magic
the quitters, even
I blow the Teahorn for you
and to the luckier still
I blow the Horn
to those who were careful
and to those who were blessed
to the ones with their babies and their temples and their future
you wanted to see my little old lady hands
to put your little old man hands around them like a temple
you wanted the future more than anybody
well, here’s to the ones who lived forever
to the ones who got it all
the luckiest of the luckiest of the lucky
to the ones who saved the world together
you guys go
I don’t hate you
nothing can make me
you just go
go go go go go go go
you go
you be those guys
do us proud
and once in a while just salute us
cause I’m going to be this one
I’m going to be this guy
and I’m going to love it
I’m going to rock this guy
because you have to love it
because you can’t want to be somebody else
not even your alternate selves
not ever
you can’t
so I’m going to be this guy
I’ll be the one who misses you every day
so beautifully
the universe doesn’t pull punches
but nothing will ever make me say that it’s not perfect
I will not despair
I will not despair
because we had the Real Thing
infinity, perfection
and I’m the one who got to see it, to be it, to touch it
I’m the one who didn’t miss it
the one who went for it, and got it
I’m the one that you lived with
I’m the one that you walked around the parking lot with
counterclockwise
and I’m the one that you saw yourself through
and I saw my reflection in your eyes
And I’m the one that you shared your breath with
and I got to hear your heartbeat like a million times
I knew the secret
I’m the one who saw it happen
and we were young gods in love together
and we worked miracles
we did work miracles
we could hold a perfect moment without breaking it
knowing that it was perfect
and I was the one who walked back with you
on the morning that we said forever
when we passed right by the balloon chair thing
that thing
where you can go up in a lawn chair on giant helium balloons
and we always wanted to do it
every day since we were kids
we both drew little pictures of it
in the margins of our notebooks
and we walked right by it
so
fucking
decadent
because infinity plus infinity
is still infinity
and infinity minus however much
is still infinity
and what’s been lost may be infinite
but we really had it
and if it had only lasted for that first night
it still would have been perfect
and it still would have been infinite
and every choice I make
kills thousand of futures
some of them better
all of them perfect
and everything that I do I’ll still do with you
cause how could we be apart?
and everything I do is in your honor
and I’m going to keep on being me for you, anyway
I don’t really know how to be me without Us
but
I’ll keep on being something
and I’ll force this to make me more beautiful
and I’ll make it make me better
because I have to
and I’ll love you every day
no matter what
and I’ll love all of the other ones every day
no matter what
and I’ll teach them what you taught me
about infinity, and perfection
and I’m going to pick up the fallen standard
and I’m going to keep the Teafire lit
and I’m going to spread the flow
and I’m going to save the goddam world
somehow
anyway
I’m going to rock this one
in your honor
because this is what I got
because it’s the only tale I have to tell
and it’s the only way that I can make it worth it
and there’s enough beauty in this crappy apartment
to destroy me
if I had the courage to open myself to it
there’s enough
right here
everywhere
it’s always the same thing
it’s just you
it’s just god
it keeps changing shape in front of you
but it’s the same thing
it’s infinite, it’s perfect
and I’m going to be this guy
and you guys be you guys
and I’ll salute the ones who weren’t as lucky
the ones who didn’t make it
everybody makes it
everybody’s perfect
I choose to be this one
in your honor
and I’m going to make it
the best one
that I can

again by heart

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This is poem dan wrote for the Teafaerie, to be said when wishing on the Last Star.

You gotta make sure you can only see one - sometimes there are two for a while and then you lose em both - but if you get it it's more magic and more honorable than First Star, because you have to made it through the night of adventure - or get up pretty early - to catch it. It was kind of a little romantic secret, but I think he'd like it if I/we passed it on.
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Just wanted to remind you all about the Victory Ice Cream Collab... http://www.hitrecord.org/records/20570

dan and I did some version of Victory Ice Cream pretty much every Thursday for more than 6 years.

We somehow managed to get in touch, no matter where we were in the world, every Thursday, always, from our very first date on. (Thurs. Sept 2, 2004) Thursday is the day of our annual Burning Man date (best night on the Playa) and we had a standing date every year on the first Thursday in March (6 months from Burning Man) and it's when our secret club would meet, when we'd do our rituals and walk around the parking lot and conspire and take stock of what we've done and what we have yet to do. It was a Thing.

Victory Ice Cream started on our second date, actually, when I made him that patchy hat and we went busking on Thursday night in Hollywood (a first for both of us) and afterward we went and got the original Victory Ice Cream with the spoils.

Anywayz - I woke up all crushed last Thursday, just so lonely in this forever kind of way, and I thought "Its Thursday, but who will I share my Victory Ice Cream with? Because I've tried so damned hard and I've been so Victorious..." and I cried and cried.

But then I wrote it up on Facebook and like 60 people shared their victories with me and with one another. dan would have freaking loved that! But what he would have loved even more was if I did it here on HitRECord instead... So today I went to start a collab, and I realized dan already started one a long time ago! Yay!

It works like this: you tell us your Victory (big or small!) and then you get to reward yourself with Victory Ice Cream (or a healthy equivalent - though Ice Cream is best) and you also entitle yourself to a High Five. (you get it by giving one to someone nearby)

You can also post what you're working on and what you're playing for next week. Please do! (artistic records are the coolest way to do so...)

And post Victory RECords! (if possible of you actually doing the Victorious Act) and also RECords of the Ice Cream!

^5

Tea*

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Here I am rocking a speech at the Women's Visionary congress this weekend.

Just wanted to remind everyone of this Collab... It's such a good one and one of dan's favorite ideas.
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