I was born with two arms,
Two legs
And a brain.
I was a pupil,
I was a student,
I was another,
I was a lover.
I sometimes watch the midnight train
And cannot but say
That I'm going insane
By wishing to know just everything,
By dreaming
of your soft, warm skin!
Let me live
And let me die,
Let me dive into your sea,
Let me think of sinking water
– PAY ME!
I need the money, little honey!
I beg you, please!
I beg you, squeeze me!
I beg you, you beggar!
Beggar, I beg!

Hernandez – The Mexican Vampire

Somewhere along the way I lost my accent, I have no idea where it went, but it has disappeared completely.

That is correct friends. My name is Hernandez, I am a Mexican Vampire, I suck blood from anyone, not only Mexican people nope, I suck from anybody, I don’t have a preference. It doesn’t have to be my people although I do like Mexican blood it has hot flavour and taste, usually spicy and hot with a touch of good tequila, but I don’t want to appear to be an a elitist.

I enjoy the occasional French person because I do enjoy the hint of Garlic in their blood, but some of that stinky cheese the French eat can curdle with the other blood in my system. Not pleasant, it gives me bloating and very bad gas.

Canadian blood used to be very good, and they were easy to pick out in a crowd wearing that goofy red flag on their bag letting everybody know they were Canadian, they are so annoying. “hey look at me I’m Canadian,” but now those Canadians are trying all these different foods and a bunch of them are trying to eat healthier then they used to and they are doing Yoga. It used to be you knew that old chubby Canadian would have the flavor of Molson Canadian Beer and that famous back bacon. But now the West coast Canadians especially are eating shit like soy milk and curds and Sushi, what the hell Canadians get you shit together.

Well now that you know a little bit about me let me tell you my tale, I have been a Vampire for only 20 years which is pretty young in the world of vampires. I was bitten by that prick Tom Cruise before he did that movie where he played Dracula, not much of a stretch their Tom…

As you can imagine this is a pretty good gig, what with travellers coming from all over the world I have a continual source of sustenance. People come to Mexico sometimes for a week or a month. The ones I like are the ones who come for 12 hours, off the cruise ships. This is easy prey for me, they stay in the tourist traps, I get the single ones wandering around looking for trinkets for their Moms back home.

I have been able to get their blood into my system within 28 minutes and then send them back onto the ships, the walking dead as it were.

The beauty of this is I eliminate the competition for blood and keep the source of raw blood flowing in, its brilliant if I do say so myself.

So what I am trying to say here is take a cruise to Mexico today and keep your friendly Mexican Vampire Hernandez happy with good supply chain management.

Matthew