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there’s a haze in the air


when the sun is high


and bright


held with care


between your fingers


 


we’re on our backs


in beds of wildflowers,


and night comes slowly


in blues, blacks


and warmth still lingers.


 


your body is made of stars


that I’d like to wish upon


and i have finally forgone


the winters before you


your eyes are moonlight


your mouth is sunlight


my hands are right


to adore you.


 


you are the clouded heat,


the perfumed wind


through treetops


soft and sweet,


like a secret kiss.


 


our place is not the day


or the night


it is the in-between air


where we lay


and love is just


 


this.


 


---


<3C

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sometimes in the morning i laugh at the way


the light of the sun grips so violently to the buildings 


so eager to spread its light and dispense of all the


darkness.


 


and i laugh when night comes slowly and quietly


like a whisper spread across the sky.


it devours the city into its inky, opened mouth,


but is still filled with light,


of the sky, and of the streets.


 


so i’ll be the night, if you are the morning


and i’ll let your light linger


within me.


 


---


<3C

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in night-time splendor


i want to kiss you,


and in the sleepy morning,


and in the shining 


daylight.


 


but in this closeness,


in the shadows that bend


around our limbs


and the secrets we share


between our eyes,


 


this linger of touch


 


presses itself into my heart


and i cannot bring myself


to bear it.


 


i miss you, 


even here.


---


happy love day, hitrecord


<3C

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i've been thinking & unthinking & 


rethinking & then drinking

& then doing it all over again

 

i've been thinking & unthinking &

rethinking and more drinking

& i'm certainly as uncertain as can be!

 

yes i'm certainly uncertain that

i'm certainly certain

 

sounds like true love to me!

 

i've been flying & sinking

from rethinking the unthinking

& my heart's all a-flurried again

 

& now i'm swooning & i'm soaring

& so surely adoring

just as smitten as smitten can be!

 

yes i'm certainly certain that

i'm so certainly certain

 

sounds just like true love to me!

 

---

 

Lula & I decided to turn a big decision into a song, and this is what happened! Feel free to add your melodies & your voices & remix away!

 

<3C
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Quietly,


wondering eyes gaze upward


to the beauty,


to the horror,


to everything we’ve ever imagined,


and all that 


we couldn’t.


 


Patiently we open


our hearts, our hands


to infinity, and pull back


the clouds to get a glimpse


of what it means


to be magnificent.


 


And your soul is turning


over, under, in disarray


coming out through 


your mouth


and into mine


like snowflakes


on the tip of my tongue.


 


We bear in our minds


the fullness of life


the depth, the colour


your smile is the grace,


my feet are the passion,


carrying forth 


upward to every peak,


to every seashore


teeming with promise,


friendship,


discovery,


magick.


 


You gather drops of sunshine


in your tired hands,


and pocket silver moonbeams


and restless now,


hand-in-hand


our foundations shake


and the winds


sing to us secret songs


of everything it knows


as we fall further


into ourselves, into


each other, faced with new light


brave, uncertain


and anxious


but true.


 


 


Your eyes were dim


coloured like winter,


your hands were strong


but filled with fear


and they matched mine


as I sought shelter.


I whisper into your skin


eternal tales of the stars,


and you wonder why


they would stay and protect our tiny souls


and I don’t know,


but I know,


and it’s in your hands


wrapped around mine.


 


It’s in the solitude,


and in the wonder,


the secret to everything,


sought after with fresh hearts


and broken bones


but here among us


in the light of the darkness,


and in the warm of the winter


it shines in mystical splendor


the starlight of our bodies,


the cosmos of your eyes,


that bloom anew with every breath


 


it’s here,


it’s everywhere,


brightly wound in our hands


to carry forth


and outward, and down,


and as far as we can take it


until our eyes again


climb up


in search of everything


we’ve found,


and what we’ve


forgotten.


 


---


I heard Johnny Clyde's "Electric Winter" and heard all of these different stories in the music, so I listened to it on repeat and wrote them out.


This is the first time I've ever written anything to music (although not for a song, per se), and it took a lot of rewinding and replaying but I like the way the words and the music go together.


So if anyone wants to do a reading set to the song (this piece isn't as long as the song is), that'd be swell.


<3C

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I remember brightly
the way you floated to me,
and we collided,
all moonbeam-filled eyes,
and star-kiss'd skin.


It was raining,
you were humming a lullaby.


Mouths overflowing with
gold-tinged whispers,
I sank into each
rise, each fall 
of your limbs.


Sunrise blended into
sunset, while your heart
beat in musical accompaniment
with mine.


If only ever I could look to you,
hear your voice in tall-tales,
and in sing-song afternoon duets.


If only ever I could color you
as you colored me;
in non-existant hues,
glowing, always 


in love.


---


began at work at (11:01), finished at (11:11).


<3C 


 

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You fell upon me with perfumed summer lips and wild-enchanted hair. Even the trees moved, bent their stubborn branches, if only for a moment, to imitate the angelic angles of your limbs.


(i loved you carefully, quietly)


You saw the dreaming blue sky and wanted the sea. You cupped in your hands oceanic waters and your fingers yearned for the spark of the stars.


(i kept your heart in my pockets)


It was you as the sun set, buried inside of rainbow-filled flowerbeds, who wanted nothing more than to remain in love (carefully) and to live (quietly)


With me: all dirt-stained elbows, and winter-colored eyes; cautionary voice kept behind cautionary lips.


I fell upon you with stillness and music-tinged kisses.


(i keep your heart in my heart).


 


---


Sometimes being stuck in a box [office] creates the most fantastic images and stories in my head.


<3C 

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   I didn’t hate you when we broke up (called it quits, ended things, decided to see other people, wanted to take a break, whatever you’ve been calling it -- we broke apart). I couldn’t bear to do so. You and I spent nearly six years together -- in arguments, in twisted sheets, in awkward family gatherings, in unforgettable little moments. We made each other happy, through most of it, and that was enough. Until it wasn’t anymore.



    When we met, our lives collided and burst, unlike anything that anyone had experienced before, or dreamed possible. I tread the waters carefully when I said my first “hello”, knowing without knowing that a word even slightly off would ruin me.
I learned your name and the color of your eyes, while you uncovered what made me most nervous (the size of the crowds, when you wore your hair in that way).

You kissed me first because my hands were shaking.
The wind was warm, the stars were out.

It was raining on the morning I told you I loved you for the first time. So much so that most people chose to stay indoors -- to spend the day doing paperwork or catching up on films or spending time with their families. That morning, I woke up wishing that I was holding your hand, and could have sworn my heartbeat was in rhythm with the raindrops.
    I gathered my things (an umbrella, my bike lock, my bag and a dry sweater) and felt a tug at my heart as I locked the door to my apartment. As though I was leaving a life behind.

I guess I was.

You opened the door and the corners of your mouth turned upward in a way that I still sometimes dream about.

    Years sauntered passed and you remarked that it felt like we were old people, remembering the past already as though there was nothing else to sustain us. You told me stories by the fireside in our bedroom and I imagined that you were referring to us. You said of course they were, but that I never listened well enough -- they weren’t always fairy tales.
   
    When you ended it (I blindly agreed that I had been feeling the same way, though of course it was only you), the sun was shining. I cut through the park back to my place, thinking that I better get there as quickly as possible, and could smell the cherry blossoms, even from the pathway. I walked with aching legs and aching heart and collapsed to the floor.

    It was three o’clock in the morning before I even tried giving in to the slumber that beckoned me. I heaved several sporadic, enormous gasping breaths, my body wanting me to cry. Begging me to release the fear, and the sadness that overwhelmed me. I refused to give in. The world outside of me began to brighten as I fell, at last, into sleep.
    My descent into dreams was much harsher and more terrifying than anything I could have expected. I was falling, always falling, into the arms of specters and phantoms and then dropped, again and again. Unwanted. Even by them. They melted through me in inky wisps. Or maybe I melted through them.

    For months, I was convinced that you had made a mistake. That you only needed some time to think things over, and soon enough, you would miss me. Because what else did we have but each other?
    What else did I have but you?

    If we were different people, it might have worked out. In some other universe where some ghost who looks and dresses like me lives, but where the stars are in the sea and there are oceans in the skies, in my might-have-been other-life, maybe we held hands until the day we died.
But that’s not what happened.


    When our star burst and sent our dust from whatever far reaches of the galaxy we were sleeping in to where we are now, we were lucky enough to have been brought together. Even for such a brief time.

   It hurts a lot more often than I’m prepared to admit, but even so, my heart still beats. Some times with the rhythm of the raindrops, but mostly with the rhythm of other things. Like melodies and footsteps, and someone else’s breathing.


    Our souls are resilient was something a stranger I tried to love once said to me. They were laughing, holding a cigarette between their fingers. I don’t remember their name or their face, or even where or how we met, but that haunted me. Four words out of an entire night-time experience.

I have everything else but you. And eventually, that will be okay.


---


I began this a few nights ago with a single paragraph and no real plot behind it. Over a few days, and several bumps along the way, it blossomed into this.


I don't have names or backgrounds or descriptions for the characters in this -- I'm not even sure if they're male/female. It doesn't really matter, because the emotions are the same for everyone.
All of those things are up to *you* to decide. REmix away!



<3C

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Dance boldly but
slowly;
love everything with your
  entire heart.


Let yourself fall apart
(or maybe just
        fall)
once in a while.

Keep your socks mis-matched,
and dive into adventures
bigger and more glorious
than your body can contain.
Cherish “before your time
as fervently as the present.

Tint your fingertips with
rainbows
to keep your hands painty.
Transform your life into words --
you’ll never let a story
go untold.
Spread the Flow
and save the GOD DAMN world
(somehow).

There are never mistakes
without lessons,
love without growth,
or life
without aching, wrenching,
catch-your-breath
              
               hurt.



There will be moments of emptiness,
as much as moments
filled with pain.
But still
every moment is
                           worth it.


and every amount of suffering
is tied together
by moments of
understanding
and passion
and togetherness and
solitude,
moments filled with secrets
and happiness.

Love.


Whatever choices you make
Whatever future becomes yours,
Whichever phenomenal you
    you create for yourself
.


Everything is infinite,
Everything is perfect.


You
will
see.


 


—-
Especially since joining hitRECord, I’ve learned alotalot about life and have been impossibly inspired. Because of all the changes occuring in my life right now, these inspirations and lessons have been especially prominent, and I was thinking today while visiting my younger family members that I kind of wish that someone had outlined things for me before now.
So this is my gift for them. So they at least always have something to turn to, when they feel all turned-out.
Special homage to Lula, Metaphorest, and Teafaerie. You ladies have been so *pivotal~!* (thanks Jess&Sel ;] ) to my growth in the last six months. Thank you so much!


<3C

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For Lena :]


For everyone 


<3C

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I run my fingers through


your tangles of hair;


you whisper stories


into my hands.


 


“There once were


two souls,


in two ribcages,


in two hearts,


in two bodies.


They were not always


together,


but they were always


inseparable.


 


She would dream up adventures


that they took while they slept,


and whilst awake.


He would saunter through


banks of powdery snow,


she drifted in pools


of crystal-clear water,


and they always met


on top


of sand dunes.


She ambled through the


deepest gardens,


He traipsed around


violent city streets,


and they always met


in the parking lot.


 


He is lost


in the turmoil


of her, then


she says,


in the liquid darkness,


‘You surround me


in radiance’,


and he knows,


he knows,


that he will never


stop loving.”


 


---


meep.


 


<3C

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There are things that I
can’t stand to be around
for too long
without wanting to cry;
things that most
can shove aside,
can pass over as
virtually worthless.
Like that certain shade of blue,
front row theatre seats,
a swingset in a park,
a book of poetry,
banana-flavored tobacco.



And there are other things
I hide from the world,
but mostly that I hide
from myself.
Three autumn-scented letters,
chronicling the improvement
of your handwriting,
how many different ways
you can say
“I’m here for you”
how many different ways
I could ignore you saying
“I’m not who you think I am”.
A bracelet,
tied strings of my favorite
colors, to match
your favorite colors.
Two photographs
of us
when we were young
and wanted to feel old;
of us
when we were young,
and suddenly afraid
of getting older.
Pre-paid tickets,
one that you didn’t want to keep,
and one I never wanted to throw away,
for a movie that I was
dying to see,
but never really saw,
because in that darkness,
that artificial darkness,
you were lit up with light
that could have been Heaven,
and all I was aware of
was the closeness of us,
that if I moved my hand,
it would be in yours.
All I was aware of,
was you sitting next to me,
and feeling the perfection
of that moment,
feeling that I wouldn’t mind
if we spent our lives
   just
    like
     this.


And I fall into the
falsely comforting arms of
these things
more often than I want.
And I fall.
I fall.
I fall.
Until, gloriously,
I rise.
And I don’t quite
understand it,
but I always
rise.

Because these memories
will never completely fade,
but they don’t always
have to stay
so sad,
they don’t always have to be
the only memories I have.


---


Not sure about the ending. If anyone wants to play around with it, be my guest.


<3C

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Through our entire lifespan
everything reminded me of you
and everything felt perfect,
because it was you
and it was me,
and how could it be any less
than absolutely perfect?

You took your time,
you got to know me,
you memorized the sadness in my eyes
when I just couldn't take it,
when I just couldn't do it alone,
and you cradled me in the
hallways in front of everyone,
in front of no one,
it never mattered.
You wore my hand-made love
around your wrist,
and gave me your half-broken
heart to mend,
because no one else could,
because you couldn't trust anyone else
with something
so fragile.
and you wore that shirt so proudly,
that black one,
long-sleeved,
and you called it mine
because you loved how I loved it,
and you called yourself mine,
because you loved how
I loved you.

And you said,
over and over and over,
you would always be here,
until one day you weren't,
you're always there, there, there,
never here.
Here is where I need you to be,
and here is where you're not.

Because it's too inconvenient,
because I'm too much of a burden,
even though you promised,
even though I still need you.
Even though friendship is still
friendship, over how ever many miles
could fit between us.

I kissed a boy with your eyes,
and felt myself fall apart
beneath the weight of
loving you, and missing you,
and hating you.
He said "the intensity of love is a beautiful thing,"
and I ran
because of how dreadful,
because of how right,
because of all the truths that stood in front of me,
that I couldn't bring myself to face.

Well,
I still miss you,
everyday.
Even though I shouldn't,
even though I don't want to.
We melded together like soulmates,
and broke
apart.
Well,
I still miss you.

---


It’s weird, the way this happened.
I was lying in bed, ready to sleep, and the lines about the shirt came to me like OHAI!
I wrote most of it last night; finished and refined it today

<3C
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