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Inspired by the characters of Dorian and Vanessa in "Penny Dreadful". I wrote this while hanging out with wonderful hitRECorders in Bath. I found a beautiful place for the temporary studio in the attic and this happened. Some of you listened to it sitting on the carpet with headphones on. BIG HUGS TO ALL OF YOU<3


flute/vocalisations


I recommend headphones.

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From my first collab with Fraeulein

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It's imperfect but it's me:) I want you to hear how I'm getting my ideas out- million sticky papers front of me and Matt's instrumental on repeat, pen, voice and heart. Thanx to Matthew for the inspiration. 


Lyrics:


Hey, Don't complain that you don't have enough


They are people there who eat the sky instead of breakfast


They are children who dream of an ice-cream made out of clouds, made out of clouds


ooooh oooooh


Imagination is the blessing


for those who dreaming and appreciating


what they don't have, what they don't have


 


There is something  I'm not telling you


I'm just a big child, who never forget


I know I'm just a little bit taller than you


There is something We've got in common:


You've got my heart, I've got yours


We never get lost


 


Symphony roundabouts


People are the same at the end of the day, 


We are different,  but together we are everything


Don't judge by the price of your trousers


What is priceless is a kaleidoscope of conversation


you can have it with me


 


I'm going to re-record certain parts to correct pronunciations:-p

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a lot to fuck around. Download if you want to surprise me.

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Serendipitous footage from april. As  got hit by a basketball- from a tragedy to blessing I say  - thanx to my boy's brothers! oops  I decided to take my crying Amelie for little adventure in the the park, looking for "Worlds within worlds" ( thanx to Sarah for inspiration) found this lovely family! Don't have better footage,  sorry Jared, I hope this will be ok. Stories about moms in nature on the way, scribbling down geeky stuff on paper at the min.  

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Couldn't sleep, wrote a ballad.  Work in Progress.  if you like it have it. I dedicate this one to disappointed or numb hearts and people who are healing their minds from certain kind of memories, perhaps they don't feel comfortable to share. Everybody make mistakes,  we are human. Without pain we would not appreciate bliss. We all had  been there. 


 


So you can't have her
get over it
ain't easy to forget
ain't easy to pretend that you don't care
I know you are lying in the bed drenched in tears and sadness
thinking of her
Weather will change you'll feel better
I promise you this, my friend
still holding her in your pocket
One day you'll understand
She won't be under the tree
She won't be in the cafe waiting
I'm sorry


So you can't have her
get over it
our choices cannot be undone
maybe is better to forget
maybe is too late to be friends


When you'll bump into each other
you'll smile and say:
We touched stratosphere
we touched, we touched
Now you are my hologram


sometimes is better to put a mask
and pretend we don't care
just to not get hurt
you still hold memories of bliss frozen
you will hold memories of bliss frozen
you still look at the same moon

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Audio Rmx of a poem written for: Poem every day collaboration by thatwasnotveryravenofyou.


I wrote this on the night when I struggled after whole week finding a babysitter to stay with my daughter, while I suppose to rehearse with my new musical friends. I remember talking to Dan and Rob telling them: " I won't cry,  I will write another song and I'll see you next month". 


 


I spray perfume on
pretending that I'm going to
see my bearded friends
In fact I have nowhere to go
I feel like squashed in
somebody's s pocket


I'm taking a bottle of Cabernet
from the shelf of my damn solitude
Repeating my weekend mantra:
1.refresh your face
2.keep tears on hold
like the times
( when I chop onion
hiding away
my major agoraphobia)


I'm taking what is left
I hardly have got anything
Nor pretending
I'm jealous of your freedom
and flowers on your shoes
which I will never be able to afford


I can't fight I'm drawing the well
tonight is biting my nails
broken evening poetry
waiting for the tension
to be released
I want to be released
I want to be released
I want to be myself again

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I cannot record testimonial about it, instead I sat last night and eecorded this, It's first take from 2am.  Sang it as I felt it instead of talking. It's not easy for me to work on this one, but has to get it out.


Truth. Always truth. This is my life, just before I left Amelie's dad in january 2010. I know they are woman out there who suffer now like I did. I'm happy mum now with a wonderful partner who loves my daughter like his own child. My expierence changed me and left me appreciate my life more and I feel lucky to be able to do what I love and feeling safe is the most important thing in the world to me. How about you? 


lyrics:


my face like a sponge
squeezing oceans


my  eyelids are stormy
tears flooding
thoughts are the yachts
you will last till morning
Jupiter is awake
night roulettes
I  play the game
not having a choice
I  can't leave
but I  want to run off
I  walk to her bedroom
to turn off the light
to put my  ear next to her chest
which keeps me  alive
remembering :
We made her
I left him
I say: no more to violence
no hits in my belly when
she was growing in there
that is why
I'm keeping
my feet strongly on the ground
forgetting
forgiving
breathing
no bitter
blood
open
heart vulnerability
I'm open heart
vulnerability

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Photograph from 2009, nov.

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Photograph: Courtesy of David Conrad Dhonau, my dream brother X

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