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In my waking hours I had been trying, with little success, to find some sort of clarity within myself. A confidence that, throughout all that had happened, and all that was happening, and all that was going to happen, I was, at the very least steering myself in the right direction towards something better. The past year had been...difficult, and the inconsistencies of my thoughts and moods were not helping. Today I believed I was going to succeed: I was going to run and work and get married and earn money and all those wonderful things that successful people do. Tomorrow I had lost my faith. And the next day, a new inspiration would get caught in my dreams only to be twisted and deformed, replaced with doubt and worry. The – for lack of a better term – 'soul searching' I was doing seemed to be leading me in circles. Occasionally I would feel the presence of a new direction. An opportunity would arise, and I would imagine my conscious mind as a battlefield. A foot soldier would yell “Push forward!”, and the others would cheer and be happy, but then the footsoldier would be violently crushed by the steely fist of my demons, and all of the others would run away. There's not much any medium sized army of foot soldiers can do against a nuclear armada. Still, a good soldier would stand tall and fight, wouldn't they? Even when faced with the absolute certainty of a gruesome death. Well, sadly, but not entirely surprisingly, these soldiers of mine, who occasionally paraded around my mind flying the flag for 'a future that means something', were not very good at their job.

I began...

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mjb34135 Jan 04, 2013


My best friend doesn't understand me.


Yet, I'm Lucky.


Sometimes I feel pretty isolated, but I can't tell anybody.


Yet, I'm Lucky.


I spent most of my early life in a cage.



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