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Well, it seems like I'm finally back. Sure I took about 3 months, but it was well worth it I guess, not. What was my experience like on hitRECord...well it was pretty fucking awful. So i'm extremely sorry for looking past you in my mist of confusion. You've been acting your whole life, and I've been trying to get people to take me seriously. I just get lost with the thoughts inside of my skull sometimes. Plus I can remember almost our entire email thread by memory, and I know I might have said shit that might have offended people you know? I don't think I did, and even if I did, I don't say things to offend people. Because if I know who I'm talking to, I won't say it. And since you never said yo i'm joe...though clearly obvious I was like fuck did I piss someone off? Rhetorical. But I noticed that the whole site is like house of leaves. I was Will "Davidson" I mean I join the site thinking that I'm supposed to be finding something? but instead I just keep going further down the rabbit hole. I start giving myself meanings to approach, start leaving my own clues and following them. But i'm still getting nowhere. I was further from the end then when I started. Then I was a mixture of King Arthur and Eric Sanderson...trying to catch a concept and trap it. But i'm calling out ghosts in the dark, and freaking out at my own echo. She hates me because she was right there, and I just kept deeper into the hallway < HA but it was quite an experience I must say. Just because pieces connect doesn't mean they'll shape a perfect circle. It was just wild how the further I went, the more hopeless I got. The further my doubts grew, and I just encountered more demons. I could also say it was like an act of blind faith. Cause you can divide that into three categories. Obsession - Addiction - Belief. What's the difference? Keeping fear at bay. It will always be around. But understanding fear is the key to controlling it. If this email thread is the comfort zone than I was light years beyond it. But then I guess I can understand why science wins over religion. If I was a wild animal I was removed from my comfort zone too quickly. I felt lonely and panicked. [Compare wild animals being removed from habitat, childhood neglect] I felt like a child who didn't know any better, and I punished myself for not knowing. I thought I made a mistake and I became depressed. The depression caused anxiety, and the anxiety caused obsessive behavior. Even with medication I wasn't focused because some invisible monster worried me. The Illusion of failure vs. the illusion of progress and now compare that with the mind of a young child being told he won't amount to anything? Just one simple illusion can change the whole frame of mind. It's like a red line. I know what I know, but what I'm not being told prevents me from stepping over it. But imagine the website as someones entire life of fear & loneliness it's basically a suicide waiting to happen. If you can't get the answer you'll make your own, and judging by how your mind reacts basically determines whether you cross over or blow your skull out. Maybe there is no ending. But the main character still has hope that the other character is still keeping his word. The moral of the story isn't belief. It's choice. Knowing how to choose and having hope. Everything dies without hope. A second, a minute, an hour, a day. Clocks of Time. Fragments of a Prayer. Breaking The Light. Collapse into Now.