Mike’s penis turned into a pickle on Monday.
He got up for his morning piss, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with one hand and using the other to pull out his dick from his grey sweatpants. It was rubbery and thick in his hand but he didn’t think anything of it until his stream hit the underside of the lifted toilet seat cover. “Oh. Fuck.”
It was disgustingly green and bumpy and curved upward. It was also thick - like the kind of pickle you could buy in it’s own individual plastic bag at a gas station - boasting names like “Hot Mama” and “Big Papa”. He also noticed that the pee that did make it into the toilet was green - like brine. “Oh. Fuck. Oh. Fuck.”
He went to his bedroom and looked at himself in the mirror. His pickle penis almost smiled back at him - proud of its color and texture - not to mention girth and length. It was a monster - a monster penis pickle.
Tom - Mike’s bestfriend and co-worker - laughed his head off when Mike told him the new. After taping it down against his stomach and stuffing his penis into his pants, Mike went to work. He made a beeline to Tom’s desk where Tom was working on sales reports.
“Tom. I need to tell you something. Something’s wrong.”
The distress on Mike’s face told Tom that this was a dire issue. “What’s up, man?” Tom asked.
“My penis is a pickle,” Mike hissed quietly.
“What?” Tom asked, not sure he heard correctly.
“My penis is a - fuck, hold up.” Mike took out his phone and texted Tom. Tom took out his phone after it buzzed and read the text. And then he started laughing.
“You mean a mini pickle, right?” And then Tom laughed...
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