Royal Court

I learned that scientifically, these things do not capriciously

change. (I'm referring to the objects around you) I also notice

that we don't radiate away, (even if we are strange to each other.)

But I'm noticing less because the pills are working and I am

becoming somewhat numb. But go on, I'm paying attention, let me

just grab another drink. I think the pills make time pass faster,

(other than just relax me), and the alcohol makes the boredom

more bearable. I'll have to look into the rules of relativity

and altering the mind. I'm further heavy numb.

*

A girl made me nervous. Hence, the reason for the pills and

alcohol. I should have been sober because the pills and booze

stifle me some. I'm a proper moron sometimes. If I weren't so

damn numb I'd be working well today. But I had to take away the

shakes, (dumb ass me), and so I can't feel myself and so I can't

think.

But here I am, at some damn party, in a nice courtyard area,

with regal acting people. I can act like them if I tried, but

I'm not going to. It's not like I'm completely out of my mind,

I'm aware of who and where I am. I'm displaced, but that's not

their concern, and I don't care much either.

I'm not believing the beliefs I have are consistent. (Regarding

existence) I quickly find the painlessness the drugs create leaves

dullness. (But maybe just then because at other times they make

my mind fly)

Do you know what I believe? I believe this place is full of all

the potential in the world but something disrupts their

development. Something keeps most of us from learning from each

other.

There's a big oak tree in the corner of the royal court, ie. the

courtyard. I stood there for a good while with my drink nervous

and unable to enjoy the holy purity of the place. I wondered off

in my mind thinking about the things they might be thinking. I

don't think I was even close. Quickly, I wondered about the worlds

that are never thought of and smiled to myself. The girl that

makes me nervous said something I didn't hear, she was so far

away. She left to go dance. I can't move, remember, I'm numb.

*

Elle is the name of the girl that makes me nervous. My legs

worked. And I had just enough confidence to go dance with her.

She moved brilliantly, and when I got to her she made a subtle

comment, then a sudden comment that was rather enjoyable and

unpredicted. And then she was quiet. The bass got incredibly

heavy and we love heavy bass. God, she can move.

For whatever reason I'm convinced I can create. I think she does

that to me. God, I don't even know her. But I can tell. I guess

it's our sort of kindness. I looked up and thought, 'Astrologers

'read', astronomers detect.' She pulled me back and asked, "What

do you see?" I don't remember my reply, it was probably I don't

know. I think our knowledge isn't enough to read the sky right.

I didn't bother her with that, but she could'a understood as much

as I could have explained. She had to leave.

*

I think I'm a ruin in society. (I do not move) I wonder about

our ability to provide for one another? (Reflexive and retrograde)

We clash like we always clash. One stranger to another. Not so

strange, and we're trying to accomplish something. Even if nothing

sustains, it was, right? But don't mind me much, this might change

in the morning.