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If someone would like to do a different reading Ive included the text below.


 


The first time I had this dream it was a nightmare


Dark and terrifying, full of unseen danger.


As time went by and the dream stayed with me, the darkness receded


and I began to look forward to returning to the Eden that had become my dreams


The dream is the same that it has always been.


It is the dreamer that has changed.


<3

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*Beeeeep*


Hey.. uhhh its me. Its Rachel. You must still be at work. I ummm was just hoping that we could talk. uhhh Ive just have been having such a good time latel... oh this is stupid. I dont want to have this conversation with your voice mail. Now Im talking to myself. (laughs) This is -To save message press one. To delete and try again, press 2.-


 


*Boop*


Please record your message after the beep


*Beeeeeep*


 


Hey, its me. I was just calling to see what you were up to. I wasnt really doing anything so I thought maybe I could, I donno, swing by and say hello... ugh desperate much Rach. -To save message press one. To delete and try again, press 2.-


 


*Boop*


Please record your message after the beep


*Beeeeeep*


 


Hey, its me. I just wanted to see what you were up to, probably still working. I was just sitting here and thirpl- sputter *Boop*


 


*Beeeeeep*


Hey babe! Babe? *Boop*


 


*Beeeeeep*


(pause then frustrated grunt*Boop*


 


*Beeeeeep*


 


♫ “Make space for me in your coffin


Let me hold your empty sh-.”♫ *Boop*


 


*Beeeeeep*


*Booooooooooooooooooooop*


 


*Beeeeeep*


Ok you know what, Im just going to say this because I cant hold it in anymore and its driving me crazy. I feel like if I dont say this now then I never will and I will just explod- -To save message press one. To delete and try again, press 2.


(pause)


 


*Boop*


Please record your message after the beep


*Beeeeeep*


 


Hey its me…..Im on my way.


 


 


Note: Boop is the sound of someone pressing 2. =o)

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The lights in the auditorium come up revealing JOE. He is wearing an expensive tuxedo but it is slightly disheveled. Seated to his right is a beautiful woman, also dressed formally. The seat to his left is empty. JOE reaches into his jacket and takes a draw from a flask.



JOE


Want some?


The woman doesn't reply.


More for me!

(drinking)


So...where’d your dad go?


WOMAN


He’s not my Dad!


JOE


Oh...I guess that would explain the kissing.


WOMAN


I guess this would explain why you're alone.


JOE looks over at the empty seat beside him.


JOE


She wasnt feeling too well.


WOMAN


(concerned)


Oh...Well, Im sorry.


JOE


Dont be, shes a whore.


WOMAN


Thats a horrible thing to say!


JOE


Oh yeah, I guess you’re right. Whores get paid.


There is an uncomfortable silence between the two.


So, the old guy?


WOMAN


Hes not that old.... hes nice.


JOE


Nice? Nice? Fuck nice! My grandmother’s nice! How did that guy, that OLD guy, land a girl like you?


WOMAN


What do you mean ‘a girl like me?’


JOE


Oh give it a rest lady you know what I mean. Youre gorgeous he’s.. he’s Gandalf!


The woman looks at him for a moment and then bursts into laughter.The woman takes the flask from JOE and takes a long pull. Coughing.


WOMAN


Oh fuck.


Another drink.

E-Harmony.


 



JOE


You're kidding?


WOMAN


A friend talked me into it


JOE takes the flasks back from her. Drinks.


JOE


Is that friend ninety and still in the bathroom?


She takes the flask. Drinks.


WOMAN


He’s not ninety, he’s … I dont know, but he’s not ninety.


JOE


So how did you even up trolling for guys online?


WOMAN


I told you, a frien...


JOE


Yeah I know a friend talked you into it. But how did it come to that?


WOMAN


Because I was sick of dating assholes. Youre only talking to me because you want to get in my pants.


JOE


Dress. and No, Im only talking to you because you are sitting beside me. If it had been you who went off to drop a deuce Id be sitting here talking to Mattlock about how he managed to get a girl like you.


WOMAN


Youre so gross.


JOE


So why not me?


WOMAN


Huh?


JOE


Why not a guy like me?


WOMAN


Thats not what you said.


JOE


Yeah fuck it, why not me? What does that guy have that I dont? Aside from an overactive bladder.


WOMAN


Its not what he has, its what you dont?


JOE


Thats what she said.


WOMAN


What? That doesnt even make sense. You're supposed to say ‘thats what she said’ when...


JOE


No. That’s what She said.



JOE nods over to the empty seat.

 


 


WOMAN


Oh.




The music comes up indicating intermission is nearly over. JOE and WOMAN sit unspeaking.



CURTAIN



 

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The world was not always divided into such clean, bold lines as good and evil. Long ago, before these terms even existed, a war was waged. Battle lines were drawn and to the victor go the spoils! Ok… so that was a bit melodramatic, I do apologize. A tiff was more like it. A scuffle just shy of fisticuffs mayhaps. On one side, there was the alliance of the SNA “so nice it’s annoying” and on the other was the legion of the SME “so mean it’s endearing.” As is the case with most bitter rivalries throughout history the reason it began has been long since forgotten. Both sides do agree, however, that it was the other side’s fault. This is all they agree on.

The first human casualty of their bloody (metaphorically speaking) war was a young man named Ned. Early reports say that Ned was oblivious to the battlefield that had become his apartment until the tussle had evolved into a full-fledged scrap. Ned would wake up with a particularly vicious case of bed head; which we now attribute, along with all forms of bad hair (hat hair, cowlick, ingrown, etc) to the SME. This left Ned flabbergasted because he was certain that he had properly shampooed and conditioned his hair the previous evening. Had this continued unabated, perhaps Ned would have exposed the conflict before it was too late for him. Unfortunately the forces of the SNA were hard at work as well. Moments before he would have discovered the little buggers strategically siphoning milk from the carton, leaving it just under a useful amount, he found a crisp twenty dollar bill in a dirty pair of jeans. This tug-of-war between the two sides continued for several months causing Ned to become a neurotic mess in the process. The conflict came to a climax in what historians refer to as ‘The Battle of Little Big Corn.’ The incident started when the SME came up with a plan to get a kernel of corn so annoyingly stuck in the teeth of Ned that it force him to have to immediately brush, thus ruining the delightful meal he had prepared. Unbeknownst to them, the SNA also had grand designs for that same kernel. They had developed the most perfectest of corn seasoning mixtures.* When the two met up on top of the giant corn on the cob the war came to a head. Forgotten were the food-jammy-teeth devices and the perfectest seasoning concoction, as the two forces met in what can only be described as the most horrific open hand slap fight that has taken place to date. It ended with both sides red-faced and hurt-handed as their leaders called for a ceasefire. A treaty was signed that day that is still in place today. It reads simply: We, the undersigned, do swear to do our solemn bestest not to interfere with the machinations and tinkering of the other party. Scribbled right after their names was the only amendment ever to be added. “But that doesn’t mean we like each other.” Ned, seeing all of this unfold on the corn he had been thinking about all day, decided that enough was enough and moved to Palm Springs.

Thus ends the beginnings of the Fake History of Good and Evil.


*1 part salt. 2 parts pepper. 5 parts butter
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There has been a series of awesomeness regarding this record that I hope to do just a bit of justice to. MixedTapes wrote a very clever tiny story to which Jay-9 came along and drew a wonderful illustration that perfectly personafied it. Madisen then laid out of haunting and beautiful arrangement of the story. This chain of events is what I love about this damn place.

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Fredwatford-1421163

This photo is one of several dozen as I was trying to capture the powerlines as we drove by at 75 mph. I love it out here and am not looking forward to returning to a city of concrete and glass.


 


I have a much larger version of this photo if needed, Im just on crappy internet. :)

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This was a fun project to work on. I shot some footage with some friends of mine, not really knowing what would become of it. It wasnt until we got into editing that a story started to shape itself. After I finished the video I sent it off to a buddy and he wrote and read a poem to go along with the video. I like how it turned out.
Poem was written by Dustin Whitehead. I would also like to give a shout out to PASIV for the music. (Which is awesome and resourced below)
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Fredwatford-1420565

taken with rx100ii

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For some reason Miss Myah's clip keeps bugging out. I am too sleepy to figure it out tonight so Ill get on it tomorrow. (As well as resourcing.) Good night and happy new year guys.

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Fredwatford-1413641

;o)

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