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(a transcript of my video testimonial, resourced below:)


A few years ago, I found myself trapped in an abusive relationship. It wasn't with a person, or any living, breathing entity. It was with an idea.


I was in an abusive relationship with the idea that I was fat.


I'm privileged in the sense that I have never been physically overweight by any medical definition of the word. But, fat as I experienced it wasn't a physical thing -- it was more like a feeling.


I think the word fat has many definitions. (...) I think in its most common form as its used, it's a feeling or a perception that we have about ourselves or about others.


I think in order to overcome fat, what I had to realize and what anyone should realize is this: The feeling of being fat weighs down on you far more than the physical existence of fat inside your body.


If you truly want to be free of the heavy burden of fat, don't start by losing weight. Start by gaining confidence.


In order to stop feeling fat, you have to lift that negative feeling off your shoulders. And maybe that starts by redefining the word and seeing it in a positive light, or dismissing it altogether. But as long as you look at fat as a negative thing that defines you, regardless of your size, you won't be happy.

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i did a little soul-searching. hope this helps someone out there... <3


(if you don't feel like watching, i put a transcript up as a text record in the results! + resourced here is a text piece i did years ago about my personal experience for the tragedy/comedy collab. x)

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it isn't quite a number, more like an unattainable thing that many aspire towards -- functions stretching to infinity, people yearning for infinity -- infinite love, infinite wealth, infinite hope. there are multiple types of infinities, which is kind of mind-boggling to think about. there are multiple ways to reach infinity (hypothetically and mathematically speaking, that is). is anything in this universe truly infinite? or are we all burdened by how so very finite we are, in every way...? what does infinity represent? something spiritual, like a god or all-knowing power? something unattainable, like true perfection?

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Since we're looking at the Number Two, I have to suggest my absolute favorite number of all -- ZERO. Mathematically interesting, but profound in far more ways. Often overlooked and underappreciated, but easily one of the most important numbers of all. Have you had zero? Have you been zero? Have you felt zero? I'm gonna stop talking now before I wax poetic about zero for hours. (I think I've done this before, so I'll try to resource those records... read them if you want a better idea about how COMPLETELY BADASS zero is!)

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RE: CHAOS


a natural follow-up to our Patterns episode -- what about the things that have no pattern? the truly chaotic, the unpredictable, the volatile, the impulsive, the reckless, the crazy, the insane... chaos is something that rules our lives in an interesting way -- mathematically, physically, emotionally, etc.


some ideas on what to include:


- a conversation with a meteorologist about chaos and weather forecasting. (there's actually a whole dept of my math school specifically for Atmosphere/Ocean Science!)


- fractals!!!!!!!!!! i'm not biased or anything. somehow they can be chaotic constructions with seemingly observable patterns.


- order vs. chaos -- something that connects both? though i suppose the Joker's chaos quote in The Dark Knight is hard to top :P i'm resourcing something i wrote once about patterns vs. chaos, called "A Study in Chaos." please give it a read if you're interested! http://www.hitrecord.org/records/1340066 it involves butterflies flapping wings...


- Lorenz effect! maybe this can be the "bigger picture" of the meteorologist bit. the Lorenz effect is something that really helps me see the big picture in my day-to-day life. obviously, it's something very mathematical and most useful to weather forecasting, but i like to interpret it in my own way -- that life is unpredictable, and delaying your actions by a millisecond may completely change your outcome! that's why i try not to get freaked out when i feel like i'm not in control -- no one is ever in control! there are forces at work that none of us can do anything about. it's chaos! it's life.


- i'm really passionate about this can you tell??? this isn't even a bulletpoint.


i'm happy to talk more about the math behind chaos theory and fractals if anyone is interested! but just a warning, it'll probably be a 60 minute video, 47 minutes of which will consist of me crying into a pillow over how deeply moved i am by this area of math. (i suppose i can edit it and cut out all the crying bits...)

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(CHANNEL 4 NEWS)


REPORTER: Jimmy Lanson called into the station today to tell us he has a PARADOX to show us.


JIMMY: That's right! Come on inside.


REPORTER: So can you tell us about how you found this paradox?


JIMMY: Yes! I was walking by the lake and I stumbled upon this paradox -- it's just inside this room! Here we are.


REPORTER: What's that smell? Oh--


JIMMY: Yep, this here is Stewie and the other one's Chester.


REPORTER: Sir... these are two ducks.


JIMMY: Yes, exactly.


 


 


(it's a pair o' ducks! *ba dum chhhh*)

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Fractaldust-phone

photo by jay-9 <3

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(a.k.a. RegularJOE lied about math, AGAIN!! :P)


Notes:


- ANYONE CAN UNDERSTAND THIS VIDEO!!!! Don't be intimidated by math!! It's written into your DNA <3


- There was a line in Joe's RE:Patterns monologue that was... not right. In this, I explain why.


- It seems people think the golden spiral is all over nature... this is WRONG! What you're actually seeing are LOGARITHMIC SPIRALS!


- Do you wanna be a phi fangirl? Or a Fibonacci fangirl? That's ok! I'll tell you why you should be...


- But most importantly, you should fangirl LOGARITHMIC SPIRALS! and the constant e=2.71828...


- For some reason, the audio may veer off course towards the end... I hope this isn't too upsetting! I can try reuploading if needed. x

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there is so much beauty to behold,


and so much beauty to be held.


 


 


(something i thought while reading a math paper today. this thought partly fuels my starry-eyed love of fractals and patterns -- you can witness them on a large scale from faraway, but also hold them intimately in your hands. remarkable.)

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i made this a year ago when RE:MONEY was proposed as a theme, and somehow never uploaded it. love this haiku from stainedraincoats <3

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the pressure that comes from within
is something i could do without.

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