You know, sooner or later most guys start thinking about what to say when they see their dreamgirl. Yes her, that one girl, that special one that makes the sun shine only for you, the best thing that has ever happened to this planet, the one that makes life...well, you get the point.
As I am not the guy that simply walks straight up to a woman to start a conversation, I spoted that I might have a bit of a problem there when running into my dreamgirl. I mean, I could meet her in every moment right? Tonight, tomorrow, who knows? And as strongly as I believe that if it´s meant to be, well then it simply has to be, I thought, a bit of training might be really helpful, you know, just to go sure and maybe to accelerate things a bit.
So, my goal was set. I decided, no, I was determined to change things fundamentally and to talk to every woman I normally would have been too shy to approach. Anyplace, anytime. This would become my second nature, my uberself! - Yes. Man up dude!
A few weeks passed and I actually did quite well on my mission, it took some time but I was on my way. Last friday an old friend showed up and we went to a local club to have some drinks.
So as we were hanging out there was this blonde girl with her friends.
Don´t get me wrong, she was not "the one", but she was really hot. She was around my age, maybe 5'6 and sporting a white shirt labeled "Who is Karl L.?". She propably got that from the same store you get the "My other bag is chanel" shoppingbag (around 19.95$...fyi), but more on that later.
On my path of enlightenment I found one thing to be always true: "Procrastination leads to ultimate frustration" which means I had to take action.
I thought of a cool conversation opener and walked straight up to her, we looked deep into each other's eyes aaaaand
... I continued walking straight to the bar!
Damn it!" I thought
"Dude why didn´t I say sth! Oh man...
Okay the night is still kinda young, there´ll be another opportunity. There must be one."
So me and my friend went back to the bar and had a beer while I kept my eyes open for another chance, and soon she was standing alone at the end of the bar. So again, I walked through the crowd like John Wayne and...
She starts talking to the barkeeper, I can´t believe it! I can´t start chatting with her while she´s talking to the barkeeper. That´s stupid.
Hm, what do I do now? Well, I´m already half way there, and I won´t go back to my bro without having talked to her, and she won´t be chatting with the barkeeper forever.
And I was right. So as soon as the barkeeper was gone I walked up to her and said my opener:
I´m Karl L.!"
The eagle has landed! HA!
What???! Just "hu?"
Oh no! Common, that´s just not fair. It´s too loud in here!
So I repeated
"HI..I AM KARL L..."
"Hi, I´m Verena. How asdhl gsfg"
Man this was a nightmare, not only that my totally cool opener got lost in the noise, I also couldn´t understand a word she was saying...
"I´m sorry, how was that?" I said
"I´m Verena. syfdlgkhfd...??"
"Hi..I´m Bryan...that´s a cool shirt you got there!"
I thought "maybe I should lean towards her, then I can understand something"
and that´s what I did but then, totally unexpectable and all of a sudden...
it just happened to us!
We crashed, or actually our heads crashed.
Oh my god, I just gave her a headbutt!
Man, that was not good.
"I´m really sorry" I said
She grabbed my arm and said "hlkhfgyld"
I have no idea what she said.
So, this conversation was pretty much over after that and I went back to my friend. Technically you could say that she gave me the headbutt, or that it was a draw at least, but I guess she was giving me the props.
Marvin Hoffman feels blue. After years of secretly having a crush on June Winters he finally had a shot at love when going out on a date with her. But destiny didn’t consider his almost pathological shyness which completely sabotaged any possibilities for any conversation or even romance. Hard times for Marvin, it’s a cold and heartless world he lives in, and it completely freezes soon after he sees June hanging out with a Norwegian exchange student called Alfred!
Marvin is the archetype of a friendly stoner in his early twenties....