you taught me
how to fold my hand
around a gun, but never
how to clean
you taught me how to
trample over hearts,
how to slice them up and pull
apart their delicate strings,
but you never warned me
that i had to
to love something.
I am the empty half of the glass,
I am the less greener side of grass.
I am worm caught by the birds,
I am the picture not worth words.
I am the trash found by another,
I am the book judged by its cover.
A/N: thanks to alexandrasophie for letting me know about a few errors. always glad to have help to improve my french.
paris, t'es ma préférée,
au meme moment,
c'est paris, c'est mon paris
en ma ville je respire
paris, you are my favorite,
at the same moment
this paris is my paris,
in my city i breathe,
So, you want to write a story, do you? My friends, you have come to the "write" place! Ha ha ha.
Before you begin your work on that epic novel, blockbuster screenplay, or however it is that you define successful poetry, let's go over the basics of writing. After all, there's nothing worse than writing that breaks the rules. This Basic Introduction to Creative Writing for Beginners lecture will cover all of the main points to bear in mind as you embark on your inevitably rewarding career as a writist.
Everyone knows that all stories are told by the same omnipresent entity, the mysterious "Narrator", an ancient ageless alien who observes events from a position exterior to all known locations in time and space. When you write a story - even an autobiographical one - it will automatically be the Narrator who tells the story. But what voice (or "character") will the Narrator adopt to tell your story? Let me give an example: if, in fact, you are writing autobiography, then your story will be told by the Narrator "in character" as you. If it is a work of fiction, then the Narrator may be "in character" as one of the fictional people in your story. Sometimes people write stories in which the Narrator speaks as more than one character! The Narrator may not even be "in character" at all, but narrate the whole series of events from its natural place observing all things.
The voice you write the Narrator speaking in can have an enormous effect on your story, so give it some serious thought before deciding.
A "genre" is a way to describe what kind of story you are writing, and may also give some indication of the tone and content. Are there spies in the story? Does it take place during a significant religious holiday? Is the President under attack? Did Mother put spiders in the soup? It's up to you.
There are only two genres: murder or kisses. All stories fall into one or the other category.
Any writer worth their salt will tell you that all stories are basically variations on a handful of archetypes. Not all of them will be able to list all 17, however. Here's where you can get one over your rivals:
Some writers experiment with including elements from one story archetype as part of a different archetype. For instance, the acclaimed novel "Catamaran, Catamaran, A Desert Hides in You" is ostensibly a blend of types 8 and 11, but incorporates type 6: a woman breaks up with her boyfriend, who is then trapped inside a computer mainframe, but then the ending reveals that aliens were behind the whole thing! Another example of this blending technique is the film "Orson Rides Again", the third in the popular "Orson" series. In that film, the young aristocrat Orson (Bolton Kearney) enters an equestrian competition to win the affection of his neighbour, Jacqueline d'Posh (Saskia Tomkins-Lumley). Along the way, Orson encounters various difficulties, including racially-stereotyped assassins, a dance contest in an abandoned discotheque, and rescuing a basket of puppies from a river. As you can see, this story is derived from types 3, 9, 13, and 14.
It is worth noting that not all story types are compatible. It would impossible to blend type 8 with type 10, for instance.
All good stories have a flashback in them. Remember: not all flashbacks need to have any connection to your main story. Why not flashback to the court of Queen Elizabeth I? What about George Washington? Or pre-Aztec Mexico? If your story is set in the future, you could even feature a flashback involving the person currently reading your story! The choice is yours.
A good ending is of vital importance if people are to give you money for your story. Avoid leaving any unanswered questions like "why did the bad guy go bad?", or "was the main character mad all along?" or "how did nobody notice that aliens were secretly running the world?" Instead, it's always good to end on a strong, positive image: your main characters kissing, high-fiving, or punching the air in triumph are all favourites among the great writers of yesteryear. Alternatively, if none of those fit the mood you are aiming for, try having the protagonist deliver a thoughtful speech, ending with "I guess it really was [the title of your story] after all".
That concludes this lecture on Basic Introduction to Creative Writing for Beginners 101. I hope you found today's material useful. The seminar will be held in room 302 of the Rockerocker building tomorrow morning. Please read chapters 1 to 3 of Godfrey McLane's book in preparation.
Today - February 5th, 2014 - is the 4th anniversay of my joining HitRECord.
Thought I'd mark the occasion by completing this film we shot last year.
I wrote the script, directed it and edited it. Tori and LizSmalls wrote the song with me. Liz sang it and starred. Joerud played piano, and has since added more instrumentation to it. thesherbethead shot it. Margaux Armour did the choreography. Haus_of_Glitch and Tori also acted. tdolan recorded a voiceover part. Everyone who was at the house that week contributed something, whether it was dancing or just throwing bits of paper at Liz. Full list of those wonderful people included at the end of the video.
Finally, an enormous thank you to QuietAndy, who recorded the foley. Which is every sound you hear in this film that is not either music or voice.
There are things I wish I had done differently on the day, and there are things that for technical reasons can't be corrected easily, but I'm incredibly happy with how this turned out.
That's a pretty good synecdoche for my experience in general on HitRECord.
Here's to another four years.
One of the staples of British television drama is that of the fake bakery (or "fakery"). The exact origins of the trope are unclear, but cultural historians know that it predates the widespread accessibility of mass media platforms like television and radio, and is thought to have begun with the entertainers on the popular music hall scene of the early 20th Century.
Fake bakery stories often involve the uncovering of a conspiracy involving one or more bakeries, which turn out to be a front for something else - usually nefarious in nature. Bakers generally have been traditionally portrayed as dishonest or otherwise unsavoury characters in British narratives (even Charles Dickens, the great observer of British society, once claimed that "bakers are the Devil of the high street. No man who makes his living in such heat can be truly honest"). It is thought by some historians that the phrase "the best thing since sliced bread" was coined because the invention of pre-packaged sliced bread enabled consumers to purchase bread without having to enter a bakery or interact with a baker.
In the 1960s, Hammer studios produced a series of horror films about a murderous fake baker ("faker"), played (initially) by Marius Goring, who was replaced after two films (The Little Pastry Shop On Manning Street and its follow-up, Return to the Little Pastry Shop On Manning Street) when he argued with the producers about the direction of the character. Following Goring's departure, the villainous Mr. Sutton Coldfield was played by a series of no-name actors who could be relied upon to turn up, grimace menacingly, and not argue with the moneymen.
Despite the step-down in quality of the leading man, the best of the Hammer fake baker ("faker") films is generally accepted to be 1969's Bride of the Baker From Manning Street (tagline: "He kneads your blood!"). The film saw a liberated young couple (played with wit and gusto by Jenny Agutter and Malcolm McDowell) tormented by the previously unseen wife of the baker, who had been driven mad by her husband's incarceration at the end of the previous film. Diana Rigg's performance as the title character attracted poor notices at the time of release, but modern audiences and critics praise Rigg's performance for her self-referential humour and unabashed sense of abandon.
However, this high-water mark proved impossible to match, and within a few years, the British public grew tired of the character. Hammer ceased production of new fake baker ("faker") films in 1972.
Despite the failure of that particular series, the trope did not die out, and remains a popular one in British culture when revived. A notable example came in a 1996 year-long story on EastEnders that saw the Mitchell brothers rent an empty shop front and pose as bakers as part of a tax scam. Fans complained in 2010 when a long-suspected fake bakery in Coronation Street was revealed to be an actual working bakery.
Other famous fake bakery stories of the last 40 years include the Dalek takeover over a small Parisian patisserie in Doctor Who's "Bread for Destruction" (1976), the influential sci-fi horror serial Quatermass & the Croissant, and CBBC's Doughy.
The proud tradition of the fake bakery in British media is one of our nation's greatest exports. Although the trend has been to avoid bakery plots as much as possible (due to public scares concerning the safety of legitimate bakers), it seems as though interest is rising again, just as the bread in the Baker of Manning Street's oven did all those years ago once more. Perhaps it is time for a new generation to discover "Britain's Secret Ingredient".