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Love is only a gamble; I fold
my hands across my lap
And stare into the darkness overhead
for just one answer.

Behind me, the battle rages on.
Rains beat upon my window,
And the shadows upon my wall
are bleeding black.

I fumble amongst the sheets
but there will be no sleep tonight,
just a prayer that life so far
has been an elaborate dream.

That you haven't truly left me,
that these lies are truths oncemore,
and that I won't wake up this morning
all alone again.

The stars may never show this eve
to keep the silver lining
shining. I wait for someone to come along
and close these tired eyes.

And the leaves whisper your name,
but it is never off my mind,
I'll sleepwalk the whole world backwards
to find your lips pressed close to mine
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I had a dream of dreams,
My mind is ripping at the seams,
Without you in my arms and underneath these sheets.

We were only seventeen
ready to take on any schemes.
Those days are done and I can't seem to find relief.

Well the wheels, I hear them screech
And the breaks, they start to cry.
And the robins have no song to sing
As they race across the sky.
Because you've left me old and broken,
I just lie awake and wonder why.

This old scene is playing on,
Eyelids as screens to your projector.
But as I've watched the love, you've gone.
I stand right here, you're made a spectre.
And this train, it leaves at dawn,
5:30 from Grand Central, and I vow
That I just have to see you now.

These rails and ties are my disguise,
And the lights that flicker coincide
with the beating of my heart;
the night sweats start,
I'm all alone.

As you watch from dirty window panes,
Landscapes unfold, your soul remains
Unmoved by fields of grain,
It's not the same.
Please come back home.

Until then I'll write this poem

While this old scene is playing on,
Eyelids as screens to your projector
But as I've watched the love, you've gone.
I stand right here, you're made a spectre.
And this train, it leaves at dawn,
5:30 from Grand Central, and I vow
That I just have to see you now.
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I remember your face right before the tears fell
And the blurry streetlights came to view.
On the corner of Broadway and personal hell,
You froze over my heart, right on cue.

I looked into green eyes, falling snow all around,
and the car horns all howled at the moon.
While your lips were still moving, I could hear no sound.
On cracked pavement, my dead soul was strewn

You told me not to cry, I would still be a friend,
but you turned 'round and walked back to him.
After several long months, there's no way to amend
The strong love you destroyed on a whim.

But I stayed on one knee, and picked up the pieces.
Tried to glue them together each night.
Until you're back in my arms and this searing pain ceases
I'll think about us together and write

Of how I hope you still miss every twilight sun,
how you clung to my chest, fast asleep,
And the ecstacy when you let my warm lips run
down your neck is a memory you'll keep.

And as the cold years go by, I'll look back and sigh,
wishing I was on one knee again,
with a ring in my hand, while before me, you'd stand
on that street corner. Just tell me when.
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Your blazing eyes pierce through the fog,
set on what you desire,
but soon, it senses you draw near
and flees the passionate fire.

Your prey's wild bite you can't endure;
release a hallowed cry.
The forest's solitude is no cure.
Clovers peek towards the sky

And as their leaves weigh great with dew,
beneath your paws, they are slain.
Your hope will never see renew,
if your mind sees only pain.

Lone wolf, bare not your grizzly teeth,
but shed your fur instead.
Reveal your pure, white soul beneath
and blackened heart of lead

Which sinks beneath the night's wild tide,
sends ripples through the moon.
Now gone, there's nothing left to hide.
Crazed love cannot resume.
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Silken moonbeams descend from the heavens
To unite my love and I oncemore.
As I climb to her gentle arms, my knees weaken.
Looking back upon faces of the damned,

They clutch at my tails in bitter contestation.
Jealousy crowns their eyes with flaming rage.
How may my unpure soul ever meet thee, angel,
That soul whose sins circle the abyss of romance lost?

My noblest pursuit chances a reckoning,
That unlike any seen before the dawn of Man.
His army marches onward on winged chariot,
Forever at battle with my lone demons.

And I continue a pull to thee, my eternal passion,
Your beauty forever intoxicating my faults and fears.
And I will stay in Eden forever, constant as time itself,
Awaiting the gnaw of reality to send me away.
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The flame licks at the invisible souls before my eyes. It is the torch of passion I hold for only you, yet its glow has never reached the softness of your skin, its warmth never touching your heart as it aches to break free from frigid chains of solipsism. I stand before you, a lonely man lost in the catacombs of his own mind. The hope I hold in finding you illuminates these cavern walls. I find scriptures, pictures engraved, parts of myself I have never known. You remain out of sight as I begin to feel the gentle clutch of your hand tightening. Do I venture closer to you, goddess? Has the anticipation, forever mounting, brought me to this very moment?

Suddenly, a face begins to appear. Two hands extend towards me, approaching menacingly. I fight the demon back, chimes echo all the while. He is my worthiest foe, but just as I knock at the merciless door of defeat, the thought of you brings me from weakness. I brandish the shimmering light. Time retreats to the shadows, mortified of the truth set forth. Return is imminent, but tonight I travel onward.

It has been many months since, and I have walked this barren wasteland. The flame flickers dimly, revealing thousands of footprints on the earth I have left behind. Proceeding with caution, I must fan the blaze to keep my strength alive. I feel your presence still. Heavy, it weighs upon my shoulders, and still it has led me from peril. My deity, must you taunt me so? Soon, my knees begin to buckle. A starved and weary frame shaken to its core. To this sensation, I am no stranger: I have been through the quicksand on many occasions. However, this is very different. For a brief second, the palpation of your heart within my chest ceases. I obey you, my love. Pause.

From this huddled mass, I look upward. I squint for an illusion, a God, a sign, anything. Suddenly, at this dead end, I see a portrait hanging from the mossed stone facade. At last, my angel appears. Her amber eyes glow with a passive intensity that inspires my ailing spirit. The raven locks which flow across her face excite me to my feet. Her fair skin sends me into a frenzy. Oh, how my prayers have been answered! The fantasy continues as vivid reality. Abruptly, my beauty is endowed life and she stirs within her frame, a newborn. The world is nothing but a glimmer upon her stunning face, yet her love is instinct. She pushes herself from the lifeless canvas, coming closer to me. I reciprocate her approach in amorous bewilderment. Inch by inch, we slowly become one. I feel her tender lips part as clouds in the heavens. They tingle so close against mine and, as we kiss, I release a single breath of relief...

The light is out
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The streetlights cast,
the shadows dance,
Revel upon
her pallid face.
She stands alone
in fields of fog,
An angel fallen
far from grace.

And though the others
tempt her skin,
And though the winds may
sweep her hair,
She stands in Life's
warming embrace,
But in Death's cold,
eternal stare.
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These nights linger in my mind like a hiss of white steam from 16mm black-and-white goodbyes. As Empire 243 silently pushes drag me away against my will, the hallowed tunnels envelop these words in darkness. Underneath her streets, the sudden flicker of halogen casts shadows of hope but I cast the notions aside just as simply. My trembling fingers find hold of a tattered Voice, upon which the forest within me takes shape. Graphite dreams of mournful arbor, whose roots still embrace my bastard heart, unfold from my uneasy hand. Suddenly, past the piercing wail of the whistle echoing on the Hudson waves, six-stringed sorrow meets my ears. And as the lyrics break my soul I will not weep, but stare into the eternal black of night,…

making peace with the fog which waits to take me in.
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