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This short play is about Ned going over to his friend, Ryan's place to tell him that he proposed to his lover, but things get awkward shortly after Ned proposes Ryan to do a reenactment of his proposal.



(RYAN is sitting down. NED knocks on the
door. RYAN gets up and opens it. NED has
a ridiculously large smile on his face.)


NED
Hey Ryan!

RYAN
Hey Ned.


(NED sticks his hand out for a hi-five, still
smiling. RYAN stares at it, confused.)


NED
Go on. Slap it.


(RYAN hesitates before slapping it.)


RYAN
What's up, Ned?

NED
I proposed to Jennifer.

RYAN
Oh. Congratulations.

NED
Thank you. Have you been taking
extra trips to the gym?

RYAN
I don't go to the gym.

NED
You work out at home?


RYAN
Uh... no. No, I don't.

NED
You're such a liar! I can tell that you've
been working out.

RYAN
Maybe it's the shirt. It's a little small on me.


(NED kneels down in front of RYAN.
RYAN looks around, confused.)


NED
I wasn't talking about your biceps, silly. These.


(NED grabs RYAN's thighs. RYAN steps back.)


NED
Your thighs are great!

RYAN
Oh, um, thanks, Ned. You're still down there.

NED
Yes. I enjoy your shoes. They are very chic.


(NED stands up and stands very close to RYAN.
RYAN looks very nervous.)


RYAN
Thanks. They're just shoes.

NED
I know, but chic. I like chic.

RYAN
Want a drink?

NED
No, but thank you for offering.

RYAN
Okay. I'm going to get a soda.


(RYAN walks away, but NED follows.)


RYAN
Hey, what are you doing?

NED
What do you mean?

RYAN
I'm just getting a soda.

NED
Great.


(RYAN stops.)


RYAN
Actually, I'm not very thirsty any more.

NED
That's great, Ryan. What do you want to do?

RYAN
I don't know. I was just sitting here earlier, not really doing anything.

NED
Okay. Sounds good.


(They both just stand there.)


RYAN
So... how'd you propose?

NED
I got down on my knee and... wait. I got an idea! How about I do a reenactment of it?

RYAN
That's okay.

NED
No, I'm fine doing it again. It's fun. This will be fun!


(NED kneels in front of RYAN.)


NED
I went to Jennifer's place and got down on my knee, just like I'm doing now. Jennifer looked alarmed. You look alarmed too.

RYAN
I don't know.

NED
Come on. Don't be so shy. It'll be cute.


(RYAN tries to look alarmed but he's
very self-conscious. He gives up.)


NED
Put your hand to your mouth. Open palm and have your mouth slightly agape with restrained pleasure.


(RYAN opens his mouth slightly and
puts his closed fist to his mouth then
opens his hand.)


NED
Very nice, Ryan.


(NED puts his hand on RYAN's inner thigh.
RYAN steps back.)


NED
Hey now. Don't ruin it. This is how I did it. Jennifer and I are very comfortable with each other. That's why my hands on your thigh.

RYAN
But we're friends, Ned.

NED
Friends are comfortable with each other. Come on, Ryan. I just took a huge step in proposing. I'm elated!

RYAN
Okay.


(RYAN puts his open palm over his slightly
opened mouth again. NED returns his hand
on RYAN's inner thigh.)


NED
This feels very warm. It's even warmer than Jennifer's. I like it very much.

RYAN
Thanks.


(NED rubs RYAN's inner thigh.)


NED
Mm...

RYAN
Wh... what?

NED
Mm... Oh, yeah...

RYAN
Why are you saying that?

NED
You're ruining the moment. We're role playing. You're Jennifer. I'm me.

RYAN
Fine.

NED
I just want to tell you... Just wanted to tell you how much I love your body and... Okay, Ryan. This is where you say, "I like your hands. They're nice to my body." Say it with great intensity.

RYAN
I'm not sure I feel comfortable saying that to you.

NED
You're not saying it. Jennifer is. Now, come on. With great intensity.

RYAN
I... fuck, man. I like your hands. They're nice to my body.

NED
Oh, I'll be real nice.


(NED now has both his hands on
RYAN's inner thighs. He brings them
closer to RYAN's crotch. RYAN quickly
slaps them away and backs away angrily.)


RYAN
What the hell!?

NED
What?

RYAN
What is this, man?! This is getting weird.

NED
How?

RYAN
You're... you're touching me, man! Your hands are getting... intimate with my groin area.

NED
Not your groin area. Jennif--

RYAN
What's the point of this?!

NED
It's a reenactment.

RYAN
Okay, but why? What's the purpose of this reenactment? I understand that you proposed to Jennifer, but why do you have to perform it on me... on my body? Jesus, man, do you... what... do you have a thing for me or something?


(NED stands up and looks upset.)


NED
What? Are you suggesting that I'm trying to make a move on you?

RYAN
Your hands were approaching my crotch!

NED
Because I was imagining you as Jennifer! You don't understand what it's like to engaged. You feel amazing and I wanted to show you, but you... you think I'm trying to have sex with you? I have a fiancé now! You... you have a sick mind, Ryan. I don't know if I'm comfortable being your friend anymore. Good day, sir!


(NED exits the stage. RYAN puts his
hands on his hips, not sure how to feel.)


RYAN
Jesus... He's such a... touchy guy. Jesus, Jennifer must be a very secure fella. I don't know how he can deal with his future husband touching other guys like that. The fuck kind of parents name their son, Jennifer?


CURTAIN.
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