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EXT. MARKET SQUARE - DAY

There’s a little bit of hustle and bustle about the market,
but no more than a typical day. MONSIEUR DE GRANDPRE is
chatting and having a laugh with another TOWNSFOLK.

GRANDPRE
And if it keeps growing we might
just have to buy you a second hat.

Grandpre and the Townsfolk share in a laugh, though a bit
more awkwardly for the Townsfolk.

PIQUE (O.S.)
GRANDPRE!!! GRANDPRE!!!

Around the corner and through the splitting crowd comes
MONSIEUR LE PIQUE barreling toward Grandpre. The Townsfolk
Grandpre was speaking with scurries away as Pique reaches
his prey.

GRANDPRE
Ah Monsieur le Pique, still
breathing I see... barely. What can
I do for you?

PIQUE
You can DIE is what you can do for
me!

GRANDPRE
Oh is that all? Well I’ll need the
next fifty years or so to
deliberate and then I’ll make sure
I do my very best to fulfill your
wishes.

PIQUE
Oh cut it with your witty bullshit!

GRANDPRE
Well at least you can appreciate
wit.

PIQUE
What exactly do you think you’re
doing with Mademoiselle Tirevit?

GRANDPRE
Well let’s see. Going over the past
week we went out to dinner four
times, had breakfast the following
mornings with some desert in


2.


GRANDPRE
between. Desert being fornication
if you hadn’t already caught on.

PIQUE
You what?!

GRANDPRE
Fornicated—Oh do you not know what
that is? It’s when a two people
have strong feelings—

PIQUE
I know very well what it is because
we’ve been doing the same for the
last four months!

GRANDPRE
You... you what? But that’s when
I’ve been—

Grandpre is overcome by a full body "icky" shiver.

PIQUE
As she is the love of my life,
Grandpre, there is only one way to
settle this.

GRANDPRE
Yes. First I must take a shower and
then we shall go speak to her and
have her choose—

PIQUE
I challenge you to a duel!

GRANDPRE
A duel? Wait. With guns?

PIQUE
Yes with guns you idiot, what do
you think I wish to slap you to
death?

GRANDPRE
I’ve never shot a gun before, I
don’t know if I could—

Pique pulls out a gun and points it at Grandpre.

PIQUE
Or I could just kill you here.

Grandpre stares down the barrel in fear.


3.



GRANDPRE
Ok, fine. Where do we do this, is
it a ten steps turn and fire in the
town square here or...

PIQUE
We will duel in balloons!

GRANDPRE
(beat)
In balloons? Like the big ones up
in the air?

PIQUE
Yes like the big ones up in the
air, what, do you think I mean a
child’s toy?

GRANDPRE
I don’t know it just seems a bit,
you know, silly. Like, we could get
high up there and just pop each
other’s balloons and—

PIQUE
Only the grandest display is worthy
of the heart of our mutual love,
Tirevit! Up in the air for all to
see!

GRANDPRE
So you don’t think we could maybe,
just this once, stay on the ground?

Pique readies his pistol and points it back at Grandpre’s
forehead.

PIQUE
What, you mean like this?

GRANDPRE
Very well, then. Up in the balloons
we go... like a couple of
lunatics...


EXT. FIELD - LATER THAT DAY

A CROWD is gathered around two hot air balloons where PIQUE,
GRANDPRE and TIREVIT are standing. Inside each hot air
balloon basket is a loyal attendant, prepared to fly and
possibly die in the balloons.



4.



PIQUE
Ladies and Gentlemen! You are here
to witness the most noble of
battles.

GRANDPRE
(SOTO)
Insane is more like it.

PIQUE
A duel to the death for the love
and affection of the one
Madmoiselle Tirevit.

GRANDPRE
(SOTO)
I’m sure she could easily just tell
us.

The crowd "oooh’s" and "ahh’s" as Tirevit really plays up
how distraught she is over this event.

PIQUE
Though many battles like these have
taken place many times over the
years of our civilized people.

GRANDPRE
(SOTO)
If cavemen were civilized then
yeah, sure.

PIQUE
But none as extravagant as this!

GRANDPRE
(SOTO)
There’s a reason for that.

PIQUE
Only a duel of this level of danger
and skill is worthy of the fairest,
most beautiful lady on this earth.

Pique strokes the cheek of Tirevit to which Grandpre throws
up in his mouth a bit.

PIQUE (cont’d)
To the balloons!

The crowd applause as Pique and Grandpre get into their
baskets. As the balloons begin to take off, Grandpre sneaks
a wink at Tirevit. She returns the wink with a kiss as well.


5.



As the balloons rise, Pique stares down Grandpre as he
prepares his gun. The ridiculousness of this situation is
wearing away and the idea of death is starting to sink in
for Granpre. He readies his weapon.

The balloons reach the desired height for Pique and he
signals his pilot to stop, Grandpre’s does the same.

PIQUE (cont’d)
It ends here, Grandpre! May the
best man win!

The two men aim their guns at each other.

PIQUE (cont’d)
On the count of three! One!

Their eyes lock into one another.

PIQUE (cont’d)
Two!

Sweat is forming on the brow of Grandpre.

PIQUE (cont’d)
THREE!

Pique fires his weapon directly at Grandpre and misses. He
hurries to reload. Reloading takes a while. Grandpre is in
disbelief.

GRANDPRE
Really?! You shot AT me? You know
you could have just shot my balloon
and I qould have fallen to my
death. I even TOLD you! You really
are and idiot. I mean... incredible
Pique.

Grandpre aims his gun at Pique’s balloon and fires. It
bursts and Pique falls to his death.

GRANDPRE (cont’d)
(To his pilot)
I mean really though? He’s an idiot
right?

The pilot shrugs and nods.

GRANDPRE (cont’d)
Alright, shall we get down now?

END

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Loved mrfelixding's illustration so I turned it into a lil looping animation! Use it for all SORTS of stuff :)


 


AE file included... if that's really how that function works.

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I often find myself reminiscing on the times I wasn't a part of.

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