I've been dreaming lately
That I'm stuck inside a glass box
Under the constellations of Grand Central
With some kind of illness on my tongue
And the people passing by are laughing
As my fingernails tear loose from their beds
And my teeth come tumbling out, like bricks from my head
The world is watching me come to pieces
And all they want to do is laugh, laugh, laugh
"There's the dead boy now! Watch closely, my son!"
But I'm waking up before the crowd can get my name
I never want to sleep, because I miss so much of you
Your absence, my disease, is killing off the view
Of a city that held so much of my potential
Before squandering it off like a peddler
Numbering my numerous deaths as sequential
I'm done wishing on things that only fucking run
Numbers, stars, and love, goodnight all, I'm done
I'm being picked up
By the reverse side
Of drunken gravity
And smashed back down
When her arms give out
Losing teeth on the concrete
Like piano keys spilling out
Of an old black bag
Where we used to carry our hearts
I always keep my shoes on
Just in case
We have to run from this
And head straight for the grave
Made a coffin for a bed
Buried myself inside my head
And if you hear the bell
Don't try to dig me up
This is a lesson learned by lovers
From the sugar spit spat by time
That we're nothing but mangled bodies
Who continually fail to align
But we try to keep straight
With whiskey and waxflower breath
But we're walking in circles
Because we favor one foot
Like property lines we've crossed
Rivers we can't afford to drink
We're wilting like gardens
We're ships that god can't even sink
Hallelujah, I'm born again
In the black heart of the tulips
I never bought you in the end
Bring me to the end
We're in a perpetual confusion of tongues
Tripping over phrases until we're raw in the lungs
Can you imagine how many times I'd be hanged
If you could understand the words I've been saying?
We've condemned honesty to make room for lidocaine
Our hearts have been removed to make clouds for more rain
I'm scattered abroad upon the face of all the earth
With a half-life of never since I survived birth
No gutters to follow away from all the lights
Where I can tap morse code into the mains and the pipes
I'm saying, "We've been lied to, I love you. I need you now."
But I don't scream for long enough for the code to be loud
Let's build a tower and call it the end
Separate at the bridge where the train tracks bend
You're living in the reflections of the glass
I'm dreaming aloud while lying on my back
I've been looking for a reason to smash every mirror
A Cassandra complex for a girl who's never near
You can't change the future, you've already trapped the past
If we're taking turns speaking in tongues, let me go last
You'll never hear a damn word I say, you'll never listen
Because you're surrounded by your demons
And I'm burning alive, just beyond your vision
Cosmic radiation through dime-store drinking straws
Blisters on my heels that refuse to heal
A black hole aftermath when the room depressurized
All our novels falling from poorly supported shelves
Onto floors I've claimed as my own
There is no comfort for a perpetually broken boy
My broken back, your useless literature
Your discarded gifts, my dead flowers
My sandstone knuckles, your lilac candles
We're a god damn mess, and we're only getting worse
I used to live where the coyotes could get to me
And deer stopped to bow at the sight of my hands
Pulled by my hair through the muck and the mud
Until I ran towards the rising sun, towards you
I've fashioned a crown from the stems of white roses
And the pedals are all turned to rot
What kind of king I am, sleeping on the floor
When you left the door open, it scared me like war
A mouth in the wall that's lost all but one tooth
You could turn the deadbolt, but you never do
And I constantly wonder, how much electricity I must build up
To lay down with you once, and levitate you out of your head
How much electrostatic glow I'd have to project
To keep you safe in bed
There is no way to win through
The glass into the light beyond
Where the electricity runs with the hum of a song
That no one has sang since before we were born
While moths crawl the length of my arms
And leave prints of their wings in dust
Up and down the place on my neck
That I never want you to touch again
I wish there'd been some kind of chemical on your lips
That could have scarred me, branded my collarbones
A scarlet letter to wear for my shame
Not shame of you, but shame of me
For letting how my heart felt dictate what I believed
A tyrant inside a ribcage, just waiting to ravage the body outside
And I know that I'd destroy you if given half the chance
My hands were not meant to save anything
Not you, not anyone else
They're better off at my sides, being eaten alive by moths
An exhibit of failed intent for the crowd to laugh at
They'd call me a monster, a beast with one back
A spine that doesn't bend enough to retract
So it's become a cross with no god to make it a metaphor
I'm a shitty church that no one prays in anymore
If you fell now, you'd fall for a leper
And when you dragged me anywhere, I'd keep dropping pieces
Until there was nothing left but a trail of me
For you to follow all the way back home
So what am I meant to love if not you?
An attic with no roof, a gathering of moths around my little light?
They've no feelings for me to hurt, hearts too simple for me to break
Just let me lead myself down into the cellar with no floor
And fall into the abyss, where Virgil waits whistling
Even if sometimes you lay awake at night
And think that maybe all this drivel is just what you needed
To keep the wolves from the door
But it's not, it's just the blood soaking the lawn
Let the moths come, let them gnaw at my nail beds
If it meant I couldn't ruin your life any more
Than the ones who came before
And left the window open
When they vanished
As always, download for Hi-Res.
Bored at work and have always wondered what a visual representation of this would look like, so...
A not so informative, and oddly confusing infographic of the 2014 Resident Curators.
Please feel free to message me if I messed something up.
P.S. If this seems rough, it's because I never intended to release it, actually. But it turned out okay enough that I said "Ah. Fuck it."
P.P.S I was informed that I accidentally spelled MarieIv's name with an L instead of an I. That's my bad.
Film: Red Wires
Released: December, 1988
The sophomore effort of Canadian-born director Tomas Ellis-Warsburg, Red Wires was released in select theaters throughout Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and British Columbia. The screenplay, written by Kentucky playwright Thistle Wickens, was originally intended for off-broadway theatrical release, but was never recognized as a particularly "stage-worthy" piece. Red Wires is the tale of Tommy, a young boy, and his twin sister Hilda, who search the five boroughs of New York looking for their father, who mysteriously disappears after developing a cure for Bowen's Disease (A rare skin disorder). The journey is only decided upon after Tommy and Hilda discover a secret room in their father's apartment which houses evidence of a conspiracy to thwart his medical efforts.
Although claimed by some critics to be "Lackluster" and "An egotistical, pedantic romp through New York City", the film generally received positive reviews. The most confusing, and somewhat genius, aspect of this film is that it was written by an American, filmed in New York City, but only released to Canadian audiences in select theaters across Canada. The true glory of Red Wires is seen in the outstanding performance by Japanese actress Aiko Ishiguro (Ellis-Warsburg's adopted sister) who plays the ironically named "Aiko", a geisha with (the aforementioned) Bowen's Disease.
Dense, sometimes confusing, and intentionally dry, Red Wires wins through with its unflinching attention to realism, its showcase of breakout performances, and its several cleverly encoded references to Homer's The Odyssey. Red Wires is a stand-up film that is normally forgotten when discussing Canadian cinema, but it will never truly disappear from the selection of Ellis-Warsburg's greatest works.
If I stopped to turn my head, I'd see a road full of crooked crosses.
Knocked down by the wind, the weather.
And I wonder if this is what everyone has been seeing.
This amalgamation of faith lost by something not of man.
We are set to conquer the world seven times over.
And yet we're afraid to tell one another how heavy are our hearts.
I could take all of my fury and bring this city to the ground.
But I couldn't take your hand for more than a moment without shaking.
And I could die knowing that you were here and alive, and die happy.
Our parents are meant to leave us at some point.
We're born to be abandoned, but not before we learn to love.
So we can repeat the cycle, and tell our children how it was.
Before storms gathered up and ripped at our skin.
Before someone left you alone with your bed and your limbs.
It's how I fear I'll become, if you ever let me try.
I fear that I'm imagining that I'd give you the entirety of the sky.
Maybe I'm weaker than I once thought possible.
And you'd be left once again to fend for yourself.
In the space where ghosts roam restless and alone.
The silhouettes of every man who'd loved you and gone home.
Without the slightest thought that it would break you.
Turn your heart to stained glass.
Pieces that will no longer fit together, but refuse to mend and pass.
I am the giant that wanders in the ocean.
I am the ladders down to hell.
Climb the knives up my spine, meet the bats and the ring the bell.
There's only the words that I've written here to guide me.
There's only the crowd of moments I'll hold in my heart.
You're in them all, you're the centerpiece, you're my art.
And I'll kill anyone who ever hurts you.
Destroy every cross that forces you to carry it.
I'll make a bonfire of them all.
And we'll dance like savages until the cold and the fall.
When we'll go inside and rest and give in.
And those silhouettes, those ghosts, will be gone.
We'll have cast them away, we'll dream before dawn.
A chorus of beartraps
Take the skin
Right off my feet
But this body, these bones
Have left me no place else to go
My body, my bones
Are cared for with little hope
A choir of canaries
Sing that hope
Right out of my heart
But this body, these bones
Can't hear love in your tone
Your body, your bones
Can't tender these river stones
A band of thieves
Steal the gold
From your empty veins
But this body, these bones
Are trying to wrap around yours
My body, my fragile bones
Felt this as love, not chore
A museum of pockets
The coin with the saint
To bring me back home
But this body, these bones
Aren't mine, they are loaned
Your body, your bones
A love I want, a love I never owned
Those bodies, those bones
I am a ghost, one of many clones
Your body, your bones
Bones that will kill me once another man owns
Where the bolts meet the casing
I am riddled with mycotoxins
Black mold built up between my teeth
A hollowed shadow of whomever used to be me
Lilting back and forth like a drunkard
A voice so rough as to strip the screws
My body is an ocean, my organs are the ships
Left to capsize inside the maelstrom of my blood
Vessels on fire being sucked into the waves
There are no men aboard, no women and children
Just empty cabins, lifeboats still lashed to port
Is there anything more pathetic, than a ship without a name?
You were the wind that moved this mechanical mass
East and up and out towards the sea
But I'm not sure anymore what fuels the fires
Or whether or not I should eat
Trying to convince myself that you love you, not me
Should be reason enough for me to leave
But I'm not guided by reason, I am a machine
I am a mechanized man with little originality
A failed experiment in trying to stay alive
When all I have is an empty birdcage
A pile of feathers and vacant eyes
Maybe I've put too much weight into this
Perhaps I've fallen in love one too many times
I'm waging a chemical war with myself
The black residue of lewisite under my fingernails
The cyclosarin breath behind failed attempts to impress
Someone who's better built for better men
And all I want is to be split back into pieces
Rended of all my limbs and buried in different fields
I am saddened by a path that's without a start
To convince a girl in yellow to wind my music box heart
It's hard to believe
Become nothing but
A pile of bones beneath
All our loves and our dreams
Of staying in bed
With someone we held
For the long hours before
The sun ever tried to interrupt
A perfect blue before the light
In a tiny room
I've never tried to stand in
But found myself locked inside
Even when I'm breathing
And if we could live forever
I don't think I'd want to
We'll one day be parted
Makes the kiss you gave me
More than just the meeting of skin
But a declaration
That you'd waste your little time
Searching with your lips, to find mine
Even if it was empty
A gesture of dark, cheap wine
It wasn't poison, nor divine
Because I had you for a moment
Ones we're constantly losing to fate
That's enough to give me purpose
If I tried to live forever
And we stood close for all time
Ten minutes would seem like dust
Birds without the wings to climb
I'd rather chase you for my life and fail
Than spend eternity in your bed
And watch the seeds we've sewn grow stale
I was given warning, but I never truly cared
About the holes in my ankle that were never really there
So I bled into the sand and I fell asleep standing up
Like prophets and martyrs, there's blood in your cup
But it's tainted by venom, it's rattled by faith
Let it drip from your chin if you'll ever be changed
Push your fangs through cotton paper
And push your jaw against glass
There's a thousand wells to taint
But there's always fires in the pass
II. Death Adders
I'm a cannibal but only by trade
If I have to destroy myself to let you be saved
So many times I've led you into rhymes
Only to wrap around your legs with so many vines
Before you realize that you shouldn't stand here
I'll only poison you if you decide to come near
III. Pit Vipers
If there's a god in a heaven, somewhere up there
Show me a sign that I'm meant to be alive
Or pull the fangs from earth, pull the rain from the sky
Am I supposed to believe in fate?
Is there something killing us for a reason?
Let my feet find the soft spots in the slate
The muscles tense before the skin fades to black
Trying to force me to dream before the light comes back
IV. Inland Taipans
Yield enough venom to kill a thousand men
But give that dose in one passing kiss
Retract your jaw to make it look like you missed
I've got less than an hour before my limbs start to bend
Ripples in the water that move like a dress
Pushed by wind before the tide goes to rest
You'll come back to find that your friends got me first
One dozen caverns I've churned in the dirt
Graves I dug for former selves that didn't work
When you return, you'll find twelve holes
For twelve bodies of men, who only gave you their soul
A bandsaw for a bed, a lathe for a lover.
Her kisses are wounds that I can't afford to cover.
Through the wood-chipper feet first and out into the world.
A mist of the man I used to be, disassembled and unfurled.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?
Now that your absence has sectioned off my loneliness.
Wrapping the pieces up with wax paper and twine.
Head down to the butcher's block where you play tiny strings.
The first thing you'll take is the tongue from my head.
You're afraid of the things I could say to turn you.
Each syllable is, in itself, the thread I need to rebuild.
To sew up all these missing pieces into something resembling myself.
A rough marionette you can dance around.
While I stand on my soapbox and speak of love.
As if it were a small bird that took away with the wind.
And never returned to the perch it had called home.
It's that absence now that leads me to drain and depart.
To unwrap my skeleton's frame and lay my parts down to rest.
For when you return, over the dark grey of the water.
You'll find I've left nothing behind.
Nothing but wax paper and a silhouette of my name.
Glory be to the partitions in my heart, in my veins.