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A place to put this big pile of poetry. 

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I've been dreaming lately


That I'm stuck inside a glass box


Under the constellations of Grand Central 


With some kind of illness on my tongue


And the people passing by are laughing


As my fingernails tear loose from their beds


And my teeth come tumbling out, like bricks from my head


The world is watching me come to pieces 


And all they want to do is laugh, laugh, laugh


"There's the dead boy now! Watch closely, my son!"


But I'm waking up before the crowd can get my name


I never want to sleep, because I miss so much of you


Your absence, my disease, is killing off the view


Of a city that held so much of my potential


Before squandering it off like a peddler 


Numbering my numerous deaths as sequential


I'm done wishing on things that only fucking run


Numbers, stars, and love, goodnight all, I'm done

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I'm being picked up


By the reverse side


Of drunken gravity


And smashed back down


When her arms give out


Losing teeth on the concrete


Like piano keys spilling out


Of an old black bag


Where we used to carry our hearts


I always keep my shoes on


Just in case


We have to run from this


And head straight for the grave


Made a coffin for a bed


Buried myself inside my head


And if you hear the bell


Don't try to dig me up


This is a lesson learned by lovers


From the sugar spit spat by time


That we're nothing but mangled bodies


Who continually fail to align


But we try to keep straight


With whiskey and waxflower breath


But we're walking in circles


Because we favor one foot


Like property lines we've crossed


Rivers we can't afford to drink


We're wilting like gardens


We're ships that god can't even sink


Hallelujah, I'm born again


In the black heart of the tulips


I never bought you in the end


Bring me to the end 

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We're in a perpetual confusion of tongues


Tripping over phrases until we're raw in the lungs


Can you imagine how many times I'd be hanged


If you could understand the words I've been saying?


We've condemned honesty to make room for lidocaine


Our hearts have been removed to make clouds for more rain


 


I'm scattered abroad upon the face of all the earth


With a half-life of never since I survived birth


No gutters to follow away from all the lights


Where I can tap morse code into the mains and the pipes


I'm saying, "We've been lied to, I love you. I need you now."


But I don't scream for long enough for the code to be loud


 


Let's build a tower and call it the end


Separate at the bridge where the train tracks bend


You're living in the reflections of the glass


I'm dreaming aloud while lying on my back


I've been looking for a reason to smash every mirror


A Cassandra complex for a girl who's never near


 


You can't change the future, you've already trapped the past


If we're taking turns speaking in tongues, let me go last


You'll never hear a damn word I say, you'll never listen


Because you're surrounded by your demons


And I'm burning alive, just beyond your vision


 

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Cosmic radiation through dime-store drinking straws


Blisters on my heels that refuse to heal


A black hole aftermath when the room depressurized


All our novels falling from poorly supported shelves


Onto floors I've claimed as my own


There is no comfort for a perpetually broken boy


Like me


 


My broken back, your useless literature


Your discarded gifts, my dead flowers


My sandstone knuckles, your lilac candles


We're a god damn mess, and we're only getting worse


 


I used to live where the coyotes could get to me


And deer stopped to bow at the sight of my hands


Pulled by my hair through the muck and the mud


Until I ran towards the rising sun, towards you


I've fashioned a crown from the stems of white roses


And the pedals are all turned to rot 


What kind of king I am, sleeping on the floor


When you left the door open, it scared me like war


 


A mouth in the wall that's lost all but one tooth


You could turn the deadbolt, but you never do


And I constantly wonder, how much electricity I must build up


To lay down with you once, and levitate you out of your head


How much electrostatic glow I'd have to project


To keep you safe in bed


 


 

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There is no way to win through


The glass into the light beyond


Where the electricity runs with the hum of a song


That no one has sang since before we were born


While moths crawl the length of my arms


And leave prints of their wings in dust


Up and down the place on my neck


That I never want you to touch again


I wish there'd been some kind of chemical on your lips


That could have scarred me, branded my collarbones


A scarlet letter to wear for my shame


Not shame of you, but shame of me


For letting how my heart felt dictate what I believed


A tyrant inside a ribcage, just waiting to ravage the body outside


And I know that I'd destroy you if given half the chance


My hands were not meant to save anything


Not you, not anyone else


They're better off at my sides, being eaten alive by moths


An exhibit of failed intent for the crowd to laugh at


They'd call me a monster, a beast with one back


A spine that doesn't bend enough to retract


So it's become a cross with no god to make it a metaphor


I'm a shitty church that no one prays in anymore


If you fell now, you'd fall for a leper


And when you dragged me anywhere, I'd keep dropping pieces


Until there was nothing left but a trail of me 


For you to follow all the way back home


So what am I meant to love if not you?


An attic with no roof, a gathering of moths around my little light?


They've no feelings for me to hurt, hearts too simple for me to break


Just let me lead myself down into the cellar with no floor


And fall into the abyss, where Virgil waits whistling 


Even if sometimes you lay awake at night


And think that maybe all this drivel is just what you needed


To keep the wolves from the door


But it's not, it's just the blood soaking the lawn


Let the moths come, let them gnaw at my nail beds


If it meant I couldn't ruin your life any more


Than the ones who came before


And left the window open 


When they vanished

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If I stopped to turn my head, I'd see a road full of crooked crosses.


Knocked down by the wind, the weather.


And I wonder if this is what everyone has been seeing.


This amalgamation of faith lost by something not of man.


We are set to conquer the world seven times over.


And yet we're afraid to tell one another how heavy are our hearts.


I could take all of my fury and bring this city to the ground.


But I couldn't take your hand for more than a moment without shaking.


And I could die knowing that you were here and alive, and die happy.


Our parents are meant to leave us at some point.


We're born to be abandoned, but not before we learn to love.


So we can repeat the cycle, and tell our children how it was. 


Before storms gathered up and ripped at our skin.


Before someone left you alone with your bed and your limbs.


It's how I fear I'll become, if you ever let me try.


I fear that I'm imagining that I'd give you the entirety of the sky.


Maybe I'm weaker than I once thought possible.


And you'd be left once again to fend for yourself.


In the space where ghosts roam restless and alone.


The silhouettes of every man who'd loved you and gone home.


Without the slightest thought that it would break you.


Turn your heart to stained glass.


Pieces that will no longer fit together, but refuse to mend and pass.


I am the giant that wanders in the ocean.


I am the ladders down to hell.


Climb the knives up my spine, meet the bats and the ring the bell.


There's only the words that I've written here to guide me.


There's only the crowd of moments I'll hold in my heart.


You're in them all, you're the centerpiece, you're my art.


And I'll kill anyone who ever hurts you.


Destroy every cross that forces you to carry it.


I'll make a bonfire of them all.


And we'll dance like savages until the cold and the fall.


When we'll go inside and rest and give in.


And those silhouettes, those ghosts, will be gone.


We'll have cast them away, we'll dream before dawn. 

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