This week I have realized that I am beloved.
I have been cheated on and I have been lied to.
I have felt worthless and I have been without hope.
I have been told that I am loved and that I am special.
But this week, I have believed that I am not loved or special.
I have lost a friend, two… three… and I have sunk into the loneliness.
I have felt dirty and used. I have been completely abandoned.
I have been kissed.
I have been ignored.
I have been promised love.
I have been broken.
I have been given words of comfort.
I have been pierced with shame.
Guilt. Regret. Hurt.
This week, I have forgiven but I have not forgotten.
This week, I have listened and I have wept.
I’ve been made a fool and have been emotionally abused.
I have tried to find value in myself.
I have discovered strength and have been given support.
I have been shown love in the most unlikely and unexpected places.
I have been surprised in the power of healing.
I have found joy in the midst of brutal suffering.
I have searched for God in a dark place.
I have been told that I am beautiful and was wonderfully made.
I have realized that I am beloved.
I've lived in you for two and a half years now, and I still haven't quite gotten over the fact that when I look up at your skyscrapers, it makes me realize how small I really am.
Remember the friends you have.
Remember when they were there for you.
Remember how they've helped you.
Remember to be glad.
Another night passed away.
Another month thrown astray.
Yet another call that falls unanswered,
along with all the cries driven down in vain.
You were the one I thought was different.
My eyes are heavy.
Green tea loaded with caffeine,
Get inside of me.