To my dearest wife.
This is it. How many times have I told you to NEVER eat the last slice of pizza? I mean seriously who does that? You know what's mine is yours and you can have as much pizza as you want but just don't take the last slice.
I can forgive a lot but this pizza thing has gone on for long enough. I never got mad when I found ticket stubs to movies we never saw together. I didn't think twice when I found the love letters under the bed because that guy was seriously a really good writer. And when I found out that your 2 week business trip was actually a romantic get away to France with our neighbor I was honestly only upset that you didn't get me an Eiffel Tower statue. None of those things are a big deal but I take my love for pizza seriously and I won’t allow you to take that away from me anymore.
I wish you were here right now to celebrate with me though because Fox finally bought my screenplay and we start shooting in a few months. I’ll leave you a bottle of champagne. No pizza though.
Hopefully the next guy you're with will be a better man than me and will be able to look past the whole pizza thing. By the time you read this I'll already be moved into my new house in L.A. enjoying the last slice.