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she walks in the night


she only turns right


she wonders why she never gets very far


retires to bed


belly full of words left unsaid 


and wonders why nobody gets what she means 


she sleeps through the day 


so the evening restless she'll lay


so her boots will go on she'll again circle under stars 


after the same walk of turns


lessons unlearned 


never seeing its not all as hard as it seems 

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Everyones always talking about this soup, that, its the most amazing thing ever, and you're like, I've had that soup, i think, i mean I've had some pretty great soup, but i wouldn't describe it as amazing, it didn't take my breath away like they say it does... maybe I'm eating it wrong?... maybe I'll just never enjoy soup like some seem to... and then... one day, you find that soup,.and all is clear and you can't believe you every made the mistake of thinking you've come close to this... breath is officially taken away, its the soup... you never knew you always wanted

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I wonder where you were


did you not hear me call?


Would I have been ready


had you shown yourself before now?


how sneaky you are


to wait until I was utterly convinced


you did not exist at all

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I never wanted this feeling, did not ask for it


Now, I would fight to the death, to have it always

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"Oh, how I hate rats!" proclaimed the rat in man's clothing


Girl sat across the candlelit table, smiling, nodding, agreeing with all and anything from the lips of the handsome man who sits inches from her, almost bursting with the wishes of what might come from the magical night... in disbelief of the perfect moment she sits in


Conversations of the filthy habbits of ratsthese creatures filled the hours of the night, two found themselves holding hands, losing themselves in the joy of shared interests and passions.


The girl went home with a ligth heart and a smile that could light up the whole village.


The rat lay down that night with a dull ache in his stomach, as visions of the green eyes he lied to all night danced in his head, a dreamy gaze painted on his face


Night after night: dinners, candles, walks, hand holding, chit chat; rat bashing laugh filled chit chat, each word another stich in the bond they were quickly building, each word another needle in Rat's ever aching stomach.


One cool evening they walked together down the street passing many shops, conversations no longer on rat hating, stomach pain a normal part in the ratman's day to day, by now he had forgotten they are self inflicted, why by now, the penny loafers and vest on his body felt natural, the mask no longer a mask, a lie molded itself into Ratman's reality, he was... Man. Yes, he was! he stated in his head again and again...


Walking slowed... paused


Girl crinkles her nose in disgust as they trot past the village cheese shop


"Dreadful treat for dreadful beasts!" she giggles


His mouth waters, his stomach moans... he sips the air to cool the pain.. laughs a shaky laugh.


"My dear, go wait on the bench by the water, I wish to surprise you"


He sneaks in, like rats do well, into the shop, filled with wonderful treats for all his senses, he fills his mouth and nearly empties his pockets in the shop.


Dashes next door, with his final coin gets a rose, begins to walk confidently to the bench, she waits, she will never know, Ratman grins to himself, he can have his cheese amd eat it too!


Her eyes light up at the sight of the rose, he can hear her heart quicken as she rises to lay her sweet lips on his


 


She draws herself back as if a force had yanked her golden hair....


"Cheese?"


She folds the mask from his face, he swears he hears that same heart break


Now replacing those needles is a fate far worse, the forever wondering, never knowing...


 


If girl would have loved an honest rat, as she did a lying man


 


* I would love to see someone give this more life, it's just a little story I had to get otu of my head

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How sick and twisted these feelings are


how vile they are the spill themselves in my brain


noxious fumes cloud my thoughts


blind me


confuse me


tear at the strings that pull my heart, thats a vital organ!


butterfllies are not meant to be in tummies


can't eat can't sleep, sounds like a disease to me


laugh,cry,laugh... nervous system damage?


They say fall....


...


...


...


..


..


.


.


It can either be the greatest moment in your life


or the biggest mistake


 


deadly

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Oh Jersey...


Where I can almost reach out and touch the big apple


but sit in the pits


Where I drive my hatchback over the hill


stare at the horizon of that sleepless city


hear the calls


but never reach the tolls


it might as well be a painting


a silly little Chotchkie


a dollar store snow globe


.... just some thoughts in my head every morning during my commute down route 80E


 

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can someone say something
besides "I'm so sorry"


tell me something offensive


please, insult me


I need to feel a different pain


a pain different from losing love


I need to feel a different pain


I'd choosen from any or all the above


i need to feel


human


I need to feel


like theres something worth proving


that I can somehow rebuild


that i can somehow do this


 


Can somone please pinch me


slap me


hit me


let me know my nerves


still burn 


inside my body


 


that i'm not a monster


 


Oh I've, I've heard stories


of women fading away


withering into nothingness


drowing away in their sorrows and tears


sinking into their beds


drowing away their sorrows and their tears


sinking into their heads


oh I've heard tales of heart break


oh debilitating hearting


mutating heartache


the type one can not shake


because it pains them to their bones


I've even heard it said it reaches down to their soul


have you have been brave enough


to look


into a heartbroken woman's eyes


oh how you would weep


oh how you would just


shatter inside


 


oh can someone turn the lights on


let me know of my surroundings


Shake me!


tell me my name my location


Even I choose not to believe in


will someone just say something


Say something at all


oh if you'll all sand in a crowd and watch go through this all


well than the lleast I can ask of my troubles


is for a thunderous applause


 as I let myself drop down


and brace my numb body


for the fall


 


 


can someone say something 


without pity lacing through their words


can someone please say something


to bring me back to this world... 

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