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(I tried to use as many of timsterner's Swedish idioms as I could!)

'Oh, go to where the pepper grows'

Said the man to his long-suffering wife

'Even in hell, you'll make fire for the crows

Wasting warmth as I've wasted my life'

'I see that you're happy in the hat'

She replied to the drunken old fool

'Stop playing Allan, you'll worry the cat

With your shouting and roaring and drool'


'God's twilight, woman, you're a hoot

But frankly, I am at a loss

As to why you'd suspect I was pissed as a newt

Must you always sense owls in the moss?'


'That old man isn't walking, dear'

(She was wise to his mendacious ways)

'You're a well-greased mouth leather, but have no fear

I see through your crocked cabarets'


'I have clean flour in the bag

Why I'm sober as judges and nuns

You've got skin on the nose, I'll give you that

But now there'll be other buns!'


'Will there indeed, my darling man?

Well, you've shat in the blue cupboard now

I'll be bang on the beetroot, as clear as I can

Put the legs on the back and get out!'


A cross in the ceiling, he made a cow-turn

And begged for forgiveness at once

It was nicer inside where the homefires burned

Now he felt an incurable dunce


'Alright, alright – I suppose you can stay

But mind you your manners and language

And never forget that the day you met me

Was the day you slid on a shrimp sandwich'


So I found myself thinking about some ways we could go about making a feature film and here I present to you a jumble of ideas all pertaining to one main idea!


Some of our best...

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BETH sits on her bed reading a book. The door opens and a guy, ANDY, walks in. Beth ignores him completely.




She continues to ignore him.


ANDY: H...

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Sad is the tale of the sorrowful Squonk

Which abides up in old Hemlock Wood

He's a piteous beast, a most ill-favoured wonk

And grievously misunderstood


His saggy Squonk skin hangs off...

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'Change is possible,' according to the vending machine in the staff canteen. I have come to purchase my 11am pick-me-up, my mid-morning power bar. This sweet ritual saves me,...

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NAME (User name, or otherwise): Sarah Daly AKA Metaphorest 


LOCATION: Fife, Scotland


ONE LINE BIO: I am an Irish singer & storyteller who lives in a little house by the sea in...

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Metaphorest May 18, 2015
Metaphorest May 01, 2015

Everything is dark. I'm blind. I'm blind and I can't breathe. I'm blind and I can't breathe and everything is all wrong. I feel about for clues to the nature of this sensory hell -...

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(Apologies in advance for the utter cynicism - I'm a romantic deep down really)

No more love poems

the world's awash
with ha'penny romance -
hymns to narcissistic love
felt only...

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