Nobody has ever had any hopes for me.
Well no, that isn't true. I guess a few people have. I disappointed them, so that is on me. But generally, people made it clear I was shit. I was dumb, I wasn't cool, I didn't belong. I had this naive belief that things would change after school was over. Suffice to say it did not. I was severely depressed for years and had no idea, because it was perfectly normal to me to feel like that all the time: lethargic, self-hating, completely unable to write anything. Nobody really encouraged me to seek help. I was talked to like I was an idiot. And maybe I am. How the hell would I know really?
I did manage to get on medication for a few years, and during that time I taught myself to write screenplays (I was writing!) and photography. I accomplished some small things, mostly through hitRECord. It seemed that I was finally going somewhere.
But here I am. Nothing I have achieved means fuck all to anyone. Still nowhere. Jokes on me again.
Maybe nowhere is where I belong. What do I know? Nothing really.
I don't know whether the blessed are simply fortunate enough to find summer, or whether summer finds them. One or the other could be the case. Either way it does, and I watch it...