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Fire
EliseBeeYT Released Jan 01, 2014

I think at least part of the reason I'm afraid of the future is because I'm afraid of fire.


Everyone always says, "Follow your passions! Do what you're passionate about!" but what if I don't know what I'm passionate about?

I've always associated passion with that glowing feeling in your stomach, that fuel that you use to motivate you and that keeps you warm when the world around you gets cold. I think I know what passion feels like, but I'm not sure what sparks it within me, and I can't figure it out.

Or maybe I'm holding myself back, shielding myself from my own passions because I've never been a wildly emotional person anyway. Maybe I'm careful about showing the world when I'm feeling that glow, when I'm fueled by that feeling. Maybe I'm too careful about it, maybe I hide it even from myself.

But why would I hold myself back? I suppose there could be downsides to passion. Or, maybe I'm just making up downsides, I'm not sure. Passion just seems to be one of those things that easily tips from being motivating to overwhelming, from uplifting to weighing down. Following passions, to me, seems like a far too easy way to get hurt.

Maybe I'm just shielding myself from getting hurt. Maybe I'm scared of fanning those glowing embers, maybe I'm scared of adding more and more fuel. After all, from where I'm standing, passion seems to be a dangerous thing that shouldn't be played with. If it grows too big to control....what happens then?


But maybe passion is different from fire. Maybe the embers have to be fanned, more fuel has to be added, it demands to be played with, and growing is what...

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They pull her close and whisper in her ear, 

"You are worthless. You are weak. You are alone.

This pain? It will never go away. You deserve this.

No one likes you anyway. They judge...

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EliseBeeYT Jul 07, 2013

For some reason, passion in my mind has become something to be made fun of. I don't know why this is, and I wish it didn't happen, but now I'm afraid of showing passion for theatre...

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EliseBeeYT Jun 08, 2013

Maybe it's just "that time of month" or something, but I was an emotional wreck today.

I was standing on the beach close to tears because near me, there was a younger boy playing in...

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Preface: My mom asked me about a week ago to write down what I want to do with my life and what I think my life will be like as a result of that choice. I keep putting it off...

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For the first second or so, running on a field of untouched snow feels like you're running on clouds.

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