My mind wakes up without my body. I hear my thoughts, feel my heartbeat, and see the black and white fuzzy dots racing behind my eyelids. My body doesn't feel like a human body should. My mind is filling with thoughts of what could become of it, what became of it, and ultimately if I was even still alive. And with that, my eyelids stay locked to the skin of my upper cheeks.

 I hear the sounds of the springs in a bed beneath me. I must have been asleep. This idea soothes me, but then again, I’m forcing myself to comply with the idea because not all of my senses are working just yet and my brain doesn't seem compatible with my limbs or my largest organ.

Thoughts, more thoughts, and even more thoughts are all the neurons can transfer. How’d I even get to bed? Is it even my own? I know it is though, somewhere deep down I recognize the obscene and vexing sound of the broken spring under my right hip. An old mattress. The one I've had since I was in my teen years and my parents let me take when I moved into my apartment in Raleigh. What an experience that was. I finally stepped into the real world after living in a small central Pennsylvania town all my life thinking I was ready. I mean comparing myself to everyone else in that town, I definitely was.

 I’m distracting myself now. I can’t decide if it is a good thing or not, yet I tell myself to stop. Focus. What happened?

 I still don’t want to open my eyes. I just have a bad feeling. I try to place what happened before I got to my bed and fell asleep. Or did I fall asleep and then someone took me to my bed? I have always found questions so dreadful, yet even before this incident happened, if it's even an incident, I was full of them. Well, I was full of them and I was full of my dad's life lessons. He is exactly who I need in this moment. I try and think of what he would tell me. Soldier on. 

 I decide on opening my eyes. I do it slowly; squinting so I don't see too much. I peek, glare, and look for something out of place to force me to close my eyes tight again but it’s dark. I can’t put anything in place. I was right though, it is my bed. It’s my entire room actually, it comforts me slightly. I sit up aftering assuring myself that everything in the room is fine. Apparently I have my sense of feel back, because something sharp is poking my left thigh and the rest of my body is rather tender.

I listen to everything around me. Nothing. Complete silence except the pesky springs in my mattress. There is the faint glimmer of moonlight shining through the window onto the dresser. Everything seems to be there as I left it but I can’t be sure because everything is shaking and blurred.

 I feel dizzy. Very dizzy. I didn’t know what being ‘dizzy’ felt like until know.