You scream when you sleep.
I wish I could walk into your dreams.
Simply slay that foul beast
Who haunts you through your nightly rest
And daunts your heart within your chest.
Ungodly whispers in your ears
Every echo of your fears.
Dawn breaks and I do wake
Catch my breath and face the day.
All the time my fears I fight
Until the day doth turn to night.
Queen of Diamonds rolls, clearly disheartened.
King of Hearts stands up greedily, chastising the whispers of his mind.
Fists clenched ever so gently, destroying the world in his grip.
His breath of wind, breath of destruction, breath of creation.
Seeps the butterflies will into his own.
Effects of forever fall on frozen skies.
The world is dead in forever's eyes.
Sweetness seeps in, seeks in seasons, Sees in reason.
My world died when you still crawled.
But I brought it back, because I could not bear to see the sky weep.
Weep for the fallen and the broken. Homeless and unspoken.
The weep of a mother whose stillborn still haunts.
Forgive me, my Queen of Spades, for your Suicide King has lost his blades.
Cold breath whips onto my cold flesh.
Short breaths lead to quick deaths.
My world is shrinking, but the world is forever.
I am forever, forever bends to my will.
Infinity has nothing on me.
The train is coming. You have your bags packed, it's almost the point of no return. What are you gonna do? For years this is all you wanted. Now that it's right there in front of you, you're starting to get cold feet. Don't panic.
Time slows down, more and more. Keep breathing. Slower and slower. Inhale, exhale. Time has frozen. Keep this state and work through your thoughts. Do you get on that train that will take you away from here? Or do you go home, unpack and sleep on your own bed?
On one hand, there is a new and exciting life on that train just waiting for you. On the other, though, there is safety right where you are.
At least, somewhat.
1 Open. Close, eyes burn. They wont even see me coming. Adjust and sit up. Inhale, exhale. Deadly Deviations. Day in day out. Over and over. Reality is dreaming forever.
Step off. You couldn't handle this. I am the holder of the world. He is my grip. Without him, you are lost. I am lost. I smile. She smiles. Our smiles brighten the world.
I stop. The world stops. She is the world. I kiss her. Our kisses cause hurricanes. Topple buildings. Everybody stares. We dont care. Inhale, part lips. Tornadoes cease. Drawn into our mouths. Everybody sighs relief. We seperate. The world breaks in two. Universe ripped in half. Time to go. She goes home. I Walk away. It rains. Cold rain. I don't mind. Kinda like it.
2 Blame me, destroy yourself. I will destroy you myself, with my thoughts. You do not exist if I do not believe. I do not believe. Destroy yourself. Self destruction, common human trait. Suicide, drugs and alcohol. And for what? Hide the pain, destroy the pain. Pain is life. Freedom. Without pain we can not be happy. There is no comparison. No contrast. Contrast is life. Once an addict always an addict. Relapse is just around the corner. Suicide. Quitters way out. Weaklings, if you ask me. Problems aren't forever. The ones that are, are easy to live with. Sometimes. We're designed that way. To survive, to persevere. 'Quitters never win, winners never quit.' Suicide is a loss for all. Even the enemies. Being close to death is a freeing feeling. Feel the rush. Knowing your death is freedom. See it coming. Being dead is just another prison. Trapped in a box. Full or ash, no difference. See the bottom and be free. Hit the bottom and be nothing. Poof. A memory, nothing more. And to some, not even a good memory. A warped, twisted memory. Blood dripping out of your mouth is all somebody will see, maybe somebody you fought with once. The doctor will remember you maybe as the patient who vomited on his shirt. Your parents will see their baby angel, or maybe even they will see a monster. Perspective, perspective.
3 Who am I? I used to think my name somehow defined me. But does it really? What's in a name. Names are unimportant. Might as well give me a number. That's what my job does. Punch in. Punch out. My number gets me paid. My bank number is where my money goes. Everything is governed by numbers. I freeze when people ask "who are you?" It's not a fair question. Not in the slightest. I just tell them nobody. I don't know. Who really does? Nobody. They just like to think they do. How can people understand me, when I can not understand myself?
4 Forgive me.
5 Circular. Life spins just like the world. Round and round. Same sights, same sounds. Same steps. So boring. Why bother? Pointless. Life is more of a chore than anything. Wake up, go to school. I wish days weren't predictable. Events change but it all boils down to the exact same substance.
6 Stand at these crossroads.Take our last stands last looks. Last touch of hands. Part. I am d e s t r o y e d. Destroyed from within. Hidemyselfaway. Nobody will find me. Why? Why? Why? What did I do? Nothing. I think. but do I ever really do nothing? Is that possible? Everything affects something. Everything. Nothing escapes my grasp wrath touch Not even me. I am my own worst enemy. I am a hazard to myself. Why do I let myself near me? I can't help it, but I should be able to do something. Right? Maybe it's just wishful thinking.
7 Wish I was a kid. Sometimes, anyway. So carefree, smiling at passers by. Butterflies, clouds in the sky. Everything was happy. High fives to everyone for everything. Laugh and cry, either way I was alive.
The past is no safe place to dwell. It will eat you, tear you apart. Destroy you. the past is a horrific beast of better times that serves to remind you. Remind you of how it used to be.My mind But I am terribly gone. Set in the past. I am a wonderful thinker. I'm the worst off mind I know. Nobody here. I am a beautiful mind.Far gone. Distracted by time. Lost. Save me. Please.