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I really don't know 'how to be' a mom. My son was born when I was 27,my daughter came three years later and motherhood was not something I gave a lot of thought,I just did it. For the first time I was needed and it was the best feeling in the world. I never felt so needed before.I never felt so important.I never felt I was doing something major with my life until I had my children. But being needed is also the worst feeling there is.

It became the worst feeling when my husband's cousin died of breastcancer at a young age. Her 2 boys were about the same age as my children and suddenly that panicky feeling that always lives at the back of my chest exploded. Because it hit me full on that I was needed,like she was needed and there was nothing she could do to stay alive and take care of her...

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Do you love me

As much as I love you

I need to know the truth

Will you be here

On the days when I can't love myself

For me it's infinity above all else

Is this only temporary for you


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by AnneMarije Sep 17, 2014

The way her hair catches the light is beyond compare

Her smile is slightly crooked

Which embarrasses her

But her skin is so soft and her gentle hands will explore every part of you...

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by AnneMarije Sep 16, 2014

I often wake up somewhere around 3am in a panic. I have no idea where I am,or even who I am. This feeling lasts,I don't know for how long. It is like my brain is still asleep and...

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by AnneMarije Sep 14, 2014

Dear younger Anne,

It's not about who you want to be,it's about who you are

It's not about what you desire,it's about what you can be grateful for

It's not about closed doors,it's...

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by AnneMarije Sep 12, 2014

It is time for you to step away

From underneath my magnifying glass

I'm done scrutinizing your skin

For traces of our past

I know I've been stacking up

Empty memories on your head


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by AnneMarije Sep 12, 2014

Still battling the currents of words long forgotten by everyone but me

I can't surrender to the tides

They challenge me to fight

And so here I am standing on the shore trying to put a...

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by AnneMarije Sep 09, 2014

These memories

They are like stones in my pockets

Weighing me down

I wish they were like feathers

So they could float away

And leave me alone

I want to be free but no matter how many...

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by AnneMarije Sep 07, 2014

She tells herself she will finally beat it this time

It's the 4000th round and she still hasn't reached victory

It stops to matter

All she needs is another chance to prove she can do...

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by AnneMarije Mar 14, 2014

I wish you'd stop living your life like it became meaningless after the funeral

Just because you can't see me anymore doesn't mean I'm not here

by AnneMarije Mar 13, 2014

I can see the relief in your eyes as you put your shovel back in the trunk of the car.

Did you think you'd be free when you buried me?

by AnneMarije Mar 13, 2014

I believe in nothing


in happily ever after

in greatness being withing reach

in beauty and in truth

in a world that knows only peace

in friends who will always stand by you

in a...

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by AnneMarije Mar 12, 2014
by AnneMarije Mar 10, 2014