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I really don't know 'how to be' a mom. My son was born when I was 27,my daughter came three years later and motherhood was not something I gave a lot of thought,I just did it. For the first time I was needed and it was the best feeling in the world. I never felt so needed before.I never felt so important.I never felt I was doing something major with my life until I had my children. But being needed is also the worst feeling there is.


It became the worst feeling when my husband's cousin died of breastcancer at a young age. Her 2 boys were about the same age as my children and suddenly that panicky feeling that always lives at the back of my chest exploded. Because it hit me full on that I was needed,like she was needed and there was nothing she could do to stay alive and take care of her...

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Do you love me


As much as I love you


I need to know the truth


Will you be here


On the days when I can't love myself


For me it's infinity above all else


Is this only temporary for you


I...

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by AnneMarije Sep 17, 2014
0
649

The way her hair catches the light is beyond compare


Her smile is slightly crooked


Which embarrasses her


But her skin is so soft and her gentle hands will explore every part of you...

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by AnneMarije Sep 16, 2014
3
546

I often wake up somewhere around 3am in a panic. I have no idea where I am,or even who I am. This feeling lasts,I don't know for how long. It is like my brain is still asleep and...

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by AnneMarije Sep 14, 2014
3
676

Dear younger Anne,


It's not about who you want to be,it's about who you are


It's not about what you desire,it's about what you can be grateful for


It's not about closed doors,it's...

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by AnneMarije Sep 12, 2014
6
1033

It is time for you to step away


From underneath my magnifying glass


I'm done scrutinizing your skin


For traces of our past


I know I've been stacking up


Empty memories on your head


And...

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by AnneMarije Sep 12, 2014
4
627

Still battling the currents of words long forgotten by everyone but me


I can't surrender to the tides


They challenge me to fight


And so here I am standing on the shore trying to put a...

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by AnneMarije Sep 09, 2014
4
594

These memories


They are like stones in my pockets


Weighing me down


I wish they were like feathers


So they could float away


And leave me alone


I want to be free but no matter how many...

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by AnneMarije Sep 07, 2014
21
1225

She tells herself she will finally beat it this time


It's the 4000th round and she still hasn't reached victory


It stops to matter


All she needs is another chance to prove she can do...

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by AnneMarije Mar 14, 2014
6
1089

I wish you'd stop living your life like it became meaningless after the funeral


Just because you can't see me anymore doesn't mean I'm not here

by AnneMarije Mar 13, 2014
4
693

I can see the relief in your eyes as you put your shovel back in the trunk of the car.


Did you think you'd be free when you buried me?

by AnneMarije Mar 13, 2014
4
667

I believe in nothing


except


in happily ever after


in greatness being withing reach


in beauty and in truth


in a world that knows only peace


in friends who will always stand by you


in a...

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by AnneMarije Mar 12, 2014
7
1584
Annemarije-1556397
by AnneMarije Mar 10, 2014
21
984