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A life in months.
sumeerayounis Released Oct 05, 2012

I whisper, "Why are you dying?"

She doesn't reply.

I lay on my back.

Tears slowly roll from the corner of my eyes.

There is a small computer in the room and the doctor spends most of her time looking at it.

They have the HCG numbers from yesterday.

They are lower.

They will be lower tomorrow.

There is pain in every single pore.

It feels impossible to breathe.

I whisper, "Why are you dying?"

She does not reply.


It started 27 months ago.


"We're going to start trying to have a baby."

"You guys are gonna be the best parents!"


Month 1: I am in a bathroom at my aunt's house. I see the blood. 

It's ok, I'll try again next month.


"Wouldn't it be crazy if we got pregnant on just the second try?"

"It would. I can't wait to share this with you."


Month 2: I am in a bathroom at work. I see the blood. 

It's ok, I'll try again next month.


"I feel nauseous!"

"Yayy! Hello, little baby!"

"Don't get too excited yet. We still have to wait and see!"


Month 3: I am in a bathroom in a national park. I see the blood. 

It's ok, I'll try again next month.


"I have been getting headaches. And I've been feeling cramping."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yes, I think this time it might really be it!"


Month 4: I am in a bathroom in my apartment. I see the blood. 

It's ok, I'll try again next month.


"I'm not going to jinx it this time!"

"Deal. No talking about it until the test."

"Promise."

"And stop taking tests. I saw six in the garbage can!"


Month 5: I am in a bathroom in Paris. I see the blood. 

It's ok, I'll try again next month.


"Try to sound excited when you tell her congratulations."

"I will. I will. I just never expected my kid sister to get...

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