I don't know when it happened, but I suddenly got cold.
Suddenly I became aware of things around me: the goosebumps on my arm, my hands starting to dry, with the weather my throat starting to feel scratchy, my nose starting to run. Yes, Summer was leaving, and I felt sure it was the last summer I'd know what it was like to just be a child (feel the warmth of the sun).
And so I sit here now watching (out) wind blow by my window and people donning their coats, fashionable hats, scarves, bundling their. Bodies away (sway) from the nippy gusts that cut down deep to the core. And I bundled all those days of hot nights, and swims, and the freedom of minimal clohing that didn't constict me. Not like this collared shirt, and these nice pants, these dresses that show off my feminine appeal and say I am someone who will take care of you.
I got cold one day. I don't know when it happened or how it happened. Everything seemed filled with such promise, and everything does but nothing is ever easy in the beginning. Not when you (I) go back and forth between warm and freezing days, never knowing will I be hot in this outfit, or will I just be underdressed, almost naked (?) My wardrobe taking a beating as I fling it all over the room and while everything is new and never worn, I don't want to wear (hear) any of it. Maybe I'll hibernate for a while, just (until) these feelings leave, and I feel warmth once more.
I look(ed) into the eyes of people who have been cold for a while, who one day accepted the snow and frost and forgot about flowers and sunshine, and closing (closed their) eyes, while lying in (imagining) some meadow that they don't make anymore. Trying to capture some memory that hasn't existed in years. I still see the meadow; it hasn't left me, and I hope it never does. But my memories also seeem faint and their light starts to leave me as the glow starts to leave my eyes. The embers of my childhood long past being able to be stoked to keep fully alive.
I have life and I have love and I have heartache and a need for a warm blanket and hot tea and to wrap my arms around my shoulders that are painfully alone tonight. sAnd (the) wind will howl, and morning (will) comes and my fingers (I imagine that I will) go numb in the sun's early light. But I'm not there yet. Yes I do like blankets and hot tea, but I like closing my eyes and imagining lush meadows with no sounds but birds and my wildy beating heart.
I am (becoming) cold right now as winter approaches, but my heart is not and my spirit is not, and neither will (I) break like icicles and shatter to the ground. Because There is a warmth in me that no frost can touch.
I was so excited to watch "The Road Took Her." Not only did I like it a lot, but I "heard" words (V/O) & music to go with this, in a completely different & unusual way than I normally do (my brain gerbils just churn out split-second flashing images, or I scribble random words while listening to music, most of the time). I knew I'd seen Rochelle's piece for the "Cold" collab a wee while back & I loved it... so of course I had to go take it apart :p The words in (parentheses) are my additions.
I had pictured something along the lines of a Cold Road, as that's what the the video made me feel. So I tried to re-create that feeling (in 11", to a loop of Madrond101's REsourced tune).
Apologies for the mess!