1. Medium-sized unicorn
2. 55 gallon drum of chowder
Pour drum of chowder into the large cauldron. Add unicorn (*see note below). Build large fire and cook for 3 days. Stir once a day. Season as desired (I personally like cocoa leaves and extract of poppy). Cool to taste. Serves 500 (mas o menos).
*The best part of this recipe is you do not need to clean the unicorn. Unlike shrimp which you have to "devein", aka "deshit", unicorn intestines are both sterile and quite tasty. Instead of converting food to feces, unicorns turn whatever they eat into chocolate. It might look like feces, but trust me it's chocolate.
And the kidneys taste like giant sweet kidney beans. And the liver tastes like sweet &^#*@ (computer error). And the heart tastes like one of those candy hearts you get for Valentine's, except bigger and better and sweeter. And the pineal gland tastes like pineapple (it even kinda sounds like pineapple). And the pancreas are called "sweet breads", because they taste like...wait for it...sweet breads.
Also, no need to remove hooves nor the testicles. Whereas horse hooves are used to make Jello, unicorn hooves ARE Jello. And their testicles taste like lychee nuts (That's not totally true, I just wanted to say lychee nuts).
So the finished chowder tastes: chowdery, fruity, candyee, chocolatey, jelloey, lychee nutty. Best served with a large amount wine made from fermented fairies.
Of course the head is severed and mounted on your wall. Just cut it off and nail it to the wall, above your fireplace or wood stove or big screen TV. You don't need to bother taking it to a taxidermist, because it will never rot. Duh, it's a unicorn...