I always had a lot of what ifs. What if I had gone to university? What if I had listened to my parents when I was 15? What if I had never split up with him? What would I be if I had just done everything ‘right’, played by the rules, done what was expected of me and not whatever pleased me? What sort of person would I have become? Would I be rich or famous, thin or fat? So many questions that would never be answered. They mad e my head ache. Some people say they like to be alone with their thoughts. I am not one of these people. These questions always plagued me like some sort of meaningless guilt that would never be relieved. I did not want to regret, not forever. I had heard the rumours of ‘Dr. Gone’, not his real name you understand but so called to describe the nature of what he did. I had heard the rumours since my best friend Laura had told me the ‘juicy gossip’ that Charlotte Blake had left her husband. No one knew why it had happened but it didn’t make sense. Charlotte and her husband had one of those marriages that from our outside view looked like the Brady Bunch on acid. The envy of many; the annoyance of most, including me. Prim, proper and you could set your watch by their weekly routine. Walk the dog, do the shopping, wash the car, go for an evening stroll. Dr. Gone as far as we were aware was a psychologist nothing more. But when Charlotte left her husband and one person told another that told another that she had been to see Dr. Gone an hour before it all happened, the rumour mill was rife. Had he seduced her and she was leaving her husband for him? That one didn’t last long as after a few weeks we realised she wasn’t coming back to town. Had he hypnotised and brain washed her for some unknown reason? For that moment God only knew...but as the rumours became more interesting so did my interest in Dr. Gone. I tried to Google him using his practice name Dr. Kyle but I could only find one record that matched the name and fitted the description. The last town he had worked in was 100 miles away and he was only there 6 months. As I couldn’t find much of a trail and my mind just wouldn’t rest, I decided to see if he could help me. His fees were un-disclosed so I went with the hope that an hour and a weeks pay would be enough. His office was like nothing I had ever seen. It was very tidy but full of books and clutter all at the same time. It seemed like every time you blinked something else had appeared and then disappeared all at once. As if nothing was really truly there but at the same time it must have been, mustn’t it? He introduced himself to me and me to him. His tone was warm and comforting a bit like someone’s grandfather asking you if you would like a cup of tea and a biscuit. He asked; ‘How is it that I may help you?’ I replied, ‘I can’t get all of the questions out of my head. What if I had done this or not done that. What would I be like? Would I be happier, better off or worse?’ ‘Would you really like to answer these questions or do you just enjoy wallowing in these fantasies?’ he asked. I was offended to say the least and blurted out, ‘Wallow? I do not wallow! And who do you think you are to make assumptions about who I am?!’ With a very calm smile and uninterrupted line of thought he replied, ‘I am the man who is supposed to understand your mind not assume who you are. Only you should know who you are.’ A moment passed. ‘So would you like to answer my question?’ he asked. I thought for a moment. Would I really want the answers or do I just want the questions to go away? I replied, ‘Yes I do want to know.’ ‘Now you understand that if you see yourself and you are in your own mind better in that life than in your present there is nothing you can do to become that person now? That person will be moulded the same way you are moulded to be who you are now and nothing can change that?’ ‘Yes........see myself? What do you mean by that? I have tried to imagine myself in another life so many times but it’s not real, it’s not the answer. I don’t want to be hypnotised or told to ‘visualise’ myself if I were this or that or blah blah blah.’ ‘I can show you the real answer. I can show you exactly what you would be if all of those things had or hadn’t happened. I can show you that person with your eyes wide open.’ None of what he had said made any sense but the confusion I had felt turned in to burning curiosity. It was burning my insides so much so that I found myself saying, ‘Yes I want that, I want to know.’ He stood up and walked to a walk in box of some sort in the far right corner of the office and I followed. ‘Ask all the questions you want to ask out loud and then walk in to the chamber and I will close the doors behind you. You will meet someone that you will recognise but don’t be afraid, that person can’t hurt you. You can simply look and see the answer to all of your questions.’ I asked all the what ifs and simply finished all the questions off by asking, ‘Who would I be now?’ I walked in to the chamber and as promised he closed the doors behind me. All of a sudden I was in a large open white space. A figure was appearing before me, at first like static, then blurred and then sharp and very much in focus. The figure I was looking at was me. Not an imitation or different version of me, actually me. I stuck my hand out to feel for the glass as this was clearly a mirror. But all my hand did was touch palm to palm with my own hand, no glass. I didn’t know what was happening. The other ‘me’ was moving the same as I would if it was a mirror but I could put my hands out and feel the clothes on the other me, feel the hair and the skin. I tried to speak, to ask questions, but I couldn’t catch my breath. No sooner had I realised I was looking at a complete carbon copy of myself from my hair down to my socks and shoes than the doors were opened and the white space disappeared, taking the other me with it. ‘What the hell was that?! Some sort of interactive mirror? That didn’t tell me anything!!! I was exactly the same! Same hair style, same clothes, same everything! If you think I’m paying you for that..’ ‘May I interrupt?’ Dr. Gone asked. I was quiet, expecting his explanation to be rubbish. ‘I’m in no doubt you know about Charlotte Blake?’ I managed to mumble a ‘yes’. ‘She too asked the chamber what if. What if she had never married her husband and she saw a version of herself that she wished she could be. Despite my warnings she left to try and become that person. So don’t you understand? If all you could see was an exact copy of who you are today then you have achieved what many people much weaker than you do not? Your soul and personality are so strong that no matter what choices you make in life you will always be you. You are exactly who you were always meant to be.’