derision
Apparently I wrote this in 2005, I'm not even sure what it's about now but at the time it seemed important enough to put pen to paper. So please have you way with it if you will...
derision
To try to hide in the labyrinth of this would be foolish to say the least yet I found myself stood there another day. Knowing I shouldn't even begin to contemplate it but I found the complexity alluring to say the least. We always want what we can't have and I knew that this was something that would never be mine no matter how hard I strived. I knew I would never look into the face of it, yet strive I did.
This is a futile pass time but a pass time is what it is, and who am I to argue the greater good with anyone? Thing is, when you are trapped like an animal, it makes you fight, fight your hardest and I was trapped. Trapped within the boundaries that had been set for me, I didn't like them one little bit but I went along with it, 'ride it out' I thought, 'see where it takes me', all the time knowing the journey. Although not on the scale of anything Dante could devise for me, it would be a painful look into myself.
I wasn't one for self discovery, I liked the black and the white, the shades of grey had always been something I'd avoided with a great vigor.
I was the type of girl who liked to set the rules and watch as my game played out, but not this time. And even being of a curious nature when the rules were set for me in the past, I'd resisted with such force I often threw myself out of synch. But I digress...this thing, this task of self control that lay before me was intricate yet I blundered my way through, with not so much as a thought for what was to become of me. In the back of my mind, which had sometimes played tricks on me but was right more often than not, lay a thought...that this was some grandiose joke to which I was the punch line.
derision
To try to hide in the labyrinth of this would be foolish to say the least yet I found myself stood there another day. Knowing I shouldn't even begin to contemplate it but I found the complexity alluring to say the least. We always want what we can't have and I knew that this was something that would never be mine no matter how hard I strived. I knew I would never look into the face of it, yet strive I did.
This is a futile pass time but a pass time is what it is, and who am I to argue the greater good with anyone? Thing is, when you are trapped like an animal, it makes you fight, fight your hardest and I was trapped. Trapped within the boundaries that had been set for me, I didn't like them one little bit but I went along with it, 'ride it out' I thought, 'see where it takes me', all the time knowing the journey. Although not on the scale of anything Dante could devise for me, it would be a painful look into myself.
I wasn't one for self discovery, I liked the black and the white, the shades of grey had always been something I'd avoided with a great vigor.
I was the type of girl who liked to set the rules and watch as my game played out, but not this time. And even being of a curious nature when the rules were set for me in the past, I'd resisted with such force I often threw myself out of synch. But I digress...this thing, this task of self control that lay before me was intricate yet I blundered my way through, with not so much as a thought for what was to become of me. In the back of my mind, which had sometimes played tricks on me but was right more often than not, lay a thought...that this was some grandiose joke to which I was the punch line.
