(freestlye 10minute writing, not my best, but here we go.)  :)  

       A present is something you get when someone feels the need to appreciate you. They will appreciate you by giving you an object; the trick is to hide the object before giving it to them. You can't afford to let them see this present; and then once you give it to them, you always make sure it's wrapped in wrapping paper. Covering the present entirely, witholding it from their vision. It's almost as if you're hiding the present one more time before you give it to them. Which doesn't make sense, because the present was already hidden from them originally. Wrapping the present in paper is nothing more than redundancy; what an over kill!

     Now come's the juicy part. This is when they unwrap the present. Oh yes! The paper that you so delicately placed, was only a temporary visual treat. "Wrapping Paper"; the only thing that people love to receive, just before shredding it to pieces only seconds after. That, and cotton candy. Now the present can be whatever you want it to be. Who knows, maybe it IS cotton candy. This is what I like to refer to as the double-shred. They shred the wrapping paper, and then shred the cotton candy; only this time it is in a tasty sugar frenzy. So in conclusion, (as they say); presents are something that just say what we feel when our voices aren't conveying it well enough. So if you have a great word conveyor; then you will never have to buy presents. For anyone. Ever.