Is this thing on? Sock, spock, frock, and glock.

Right. Thank you for tuning in to the (semi) bi-annual Regular Report of Earthly Matters & Other (RR-EMO). We hope you’ll enjoy the delicious (and nutritious) treat we have for you tonight.

According to my high sources (whose multi-gadget stilts still allow for the best reception in town), the President of World has introduced a new nominal system regarding our recent weekly dilemma. According to World Research, many children have started to demean certain Days of the Week, which has really punched a dent in the brand new LAW AGAINST PREJUDICE OF PEOPLE AND THINGS.

Because it is difficult to school children about the importance of respecting societal conventions, the wise President of World has found the solution: giving the days more specific names, thus giving them ‘personalities’. Some feeble opposition to this treaty states that some of the new names are demeaning themselves, but the President has more important things to do than answer such inconsequential stagnations. (We’ll turn a deaf ear to the complaints of the SOCIETY OF SYNAESTHESIACS for now, too.)

And before we continue with our very important report, let us be silent for a minute for the death of ‘CROTCHETY’. The poor word never saw its expiration date coming. You will be remembered!

(one silent minute later, interrupted only by the distant stomping of stilts)

Now. After the successful introduction of edible stockings and dolphin communications via Morse Code, the President really thinks this new development will knock your hats off (if only hats were still legal). Without further ADIEU (just a reminder it is no longer ADO), the new and improved DAYS OF THE WEEK:

Miscellaneous Monday

(Misc. Monday for short, which kind of sounds like Miss Monday)

Tulip Tuesday

Wicked Wednesday

Thistle Thursday

Freaky Friday

(courtesy of DISNEY, circa 2003)

SUPER-SATURDAY

…and Sheepish Sunday

No wonder Sunday’s sheepish, it’s coming after a super-hero! Don’t you just hate following great acts… So this concludes our Regular Report. We hope you’ve enjoyed the President’s new madness as much as we have.

Once again, long live the President! And short live our stockings.