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I am sorry to hear you nearly died in your car accident. I assume that is what put you in the wheelchair. My father had a strikingly similar experience in his 20's. Except - he DID die. For over TWENTY minutes. He was dead on arrival and they put him in the morgue. That's where he woke up. From the waist up, at least. He was paralyzed from the waist down and told he'd never walk again. He sat in that chair for 2 years. Then he decided he was going to walk. And he did. He does. He moved my piano and he's over 65. LOL. Death is a strange entity. Sometimes He broadcasts warnings. That's next... |
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RE: DEATH: My father died before I was bo...
Pickle Blossom remarked on May 27, 2010
Wow - I'm sorry to hear about your sister. And that sounds like a very intense experience. Definitely a rebirth. Have you ever made art - of any kind - out of any section of that experience? That is something I've done with intense experiences from my life... usually writing. But it also comes out in my visual signature. Like the painting "Everything she touches turns to blood" I felt like my touch was unwanted by everyone, I just felt weird when I physically reached out toward someone and the weirdness in my demeanor would reflect on their face and I was just akward as if my hands were weapons. But with writing something I did - which is not the same thing you should do because you found empowerment in your experience, but this is what worked for me - I took experiences that happened when I was 12 - 13 and my sister was in a gang and she'd take me to these insane places where I'd see the craziest people do the craziest things. But at the same time, those people - violent criminals in and out of jail - all called me little sister and collectively wanted to protect me because I gave them kindness no one else did. But their idea of protecting me was teaching me all the ways they knew to kill or maim people, or - like - how to survive a knife fight when you have no weapon. Just to give you an idea the things they were putting into my 12 year old brain, here's how you can ALWAYS win in a blade fight:
Put your hand up like a STOP motion, palm forward; spread your fingers as FAR open as you can to get the bones and tendons out of the way; DRIVE THE BLADE THROUGH YOUR PALM between your bones ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE HILT and CLOSE YOUR FIST around the hilt. That way, there is no way they are getting their knife back AND you can still use the blade to cut them because it's sticking out the back of your hand.
Is your jaw on the floor?
How does a 12 year old girl process information like that? She doesn't.
Notice how that statement was made in 3rd person? That's how I learned to process it. I had all these tricks of the trade for violent criminals - including a former Hell's Angel's guard who loved me like a daughter and taught me "field medicine" - and sometime in my late teens I started writing stories that had all this information and traumatic things happening to a *character* so that, in a way, the experiences now belong to those characters, in THEIR life stories, not to the 12 year old me.
Of course I know they did happen to me. But there's some magic alchemy when you give life to a creation and you give a piece of yourself to that creation... in a way, they really do own that part of you. So being able to give the horrible parts of my life to characters who deal with those things as adults, instead of as a preteen, it really purged the demons from my mind. Because now when I think back on the moment I witnessed "X" I also think of the story I put it into and how it turned out in the story.
But it did take years before I could purge those feelings into creations. I had to reach a point where I did not want the feelings for myself anymore, where I felt I had nothing left to learn or gain from the experience - because of course I was trying to figure out what made those people tick - so I hope that your creations can help you move through the stages of life the same way that my creations have helped me carry on.
Creation is a powerful thing.
;^)
Pickle Blossom remarked on May 27, 2010
Wow - I'm sorry to hear about your sister. And that sounds like a very intense experience. Definitely a rebirth. Have you ever made art - of any kind - out of any section of that experience? That is something I've done with intense experiences from my life... usually writing. But it also comes out in my visual signature. Like the painting "Everything she touches turns to blood" I felt like my touch was unwanted by everyone, I just felt weird when I physically reached out toward someone and the weirdness in my demeanor would reflect on their face and I was just akward as if my hands were weapons. But with writing something I did - which is not the same thing you should do because you found empowerment in your experience, but this is what worked for me - I took experiences that happened when I was 12 - 13 and my sister was in a gang and she'd take me to these insane places where I'd see the craziest people do the craziest things. But at the same time, those people - violent criminals in and out of jail - all called me little sister and collectively wanted to protect me because I gave them kindness no one else did. But their idea of protecting me was teaching me all the ways they knew to kill or maim people, or - like - how to survive a knife fight when you have no weapon. Just to give you an idea the things they were putting into my 12 year old brain, here's how you can ALWAYS win in a blade fight:
Put your hand up like a STOP motion, palm forward; spread your fingers as FAR open as you can to get the bones and tendons out of the way; DRIVE THE BLADE THROUGH YOUR PALM between your bones ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE HILT and CLOSE YOUR FIST around the hilt. That way, there is no way they are getting their knife back AND you can still use the blade to cut them because it's sticking out the back of your hand.
Is your jaw on the floor?
How does a 12 year old girl process information like that? She doesn't.
Notice how that statement was made in 3rd person? That's how I learned to process it. I had all these tricks of the trade for violent criminals - including a former Hell's Angel's guard who loved me like a daughter and taught me "field medicine" - and sometime in my late teens I started writing stories that had all this information and traumatic things happening to a *character* so that, in a way, the experiences now belong to those characters, in THEIR life stories, not to the 12 year old me.
Of course I know they did happen to me. But there's some magic alchemy when you give life to a creation and you give a piece of yourself to that creation... in a way, they really do own that part of you. So being able to give the horrible parts of my life to characters who deal with those things as adults, instead of as a preteen, it really purged the demons from my mind. Because now when I think back on the moment I witnessed "X" I also think of the story I put it into and how it turned out in the story.
But it did take years before I could purge those feelings into creations. I had to reach a point where I did not want the feelings for myself anymore, where I felt I had nothing left to learn or gain from the experience - because of course I was trying to figure out what made those people tick - so I hope that your creations can help you move through the stages of life the same way that my creations have helped me carry on.
Creation is a powerful thing.
;^)
RE: DEATH: My father died before I was bo...
Kylier remarked on May 27, 2010
Yeah, I am in my wheelchair because of that accident. It killed my sister and put her mom in a coma for 2 weeks. I thought I was going to die when they were pulling apart my van. It took the fire department 3 hours to get me out. The van was destroyed, but Incubus was still playing in the CD player, so I sat there listening to my favorite band and hoped to anything good that my friends and family knew I loved them. Then in the middle of my love pleads, I told myself that I was gonna live and I was gonna go home. I lived, but never made it home. I still haven't -I'll find home one day. I really believe that the accident was a sort of rebirth. I got to start over and understand myself.
I get frustrated and angry at what happened because it easily could have been avoided, but I wouldn't be who I am today, and I'm glad I at least got to find myself. I just wish I got to grow with my sister. I miss her and feel terrible about what happened to her.
Kylier remarked on May 27, 2010
Yeah, I am in my wheelchair because of that accident. It killed my sister and put her mom in a coma for 2 weeks. I thought I was going to die when they were pulling apart my van. It took the fire department 3 hours to get me out. The van was destroyed, but Incubus was still playing in the CD player, so I sat there listening to my favorite band and hoped to anything good that my friends and family knew I loved them. Then in the middle of my love pleads, I told myself that I was gonna live and I was gonna go home. I lived, but never made it home. I still haven't -I'll find home one day. I really believe that the accident was a sort of rebirth. I got to start over and understand myself.
I get frustrated and angry at what happened because it easily could have been avoided, but I wouldn't be who I am today, and I'm glad I at least got to find myself. I just wish I got to grow with my sister. I miss her and feel terrible about what happened to her.
SeraCurr
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DEATH: My father died before I was born... on May 27, 2010
RE: DEATH: My father died before I was bo...
via remarked on May 27, 2010
wooooow! what a _life_ story!!!
via remarked on May 27, 2010
wooooow! what a _life_ story!!!
via
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DEATH: My father died before I was born... on May 27, 2010
