Summer in Texas is probably the worst thing you can ever imagine.

If Hell was a hotel, Texas would be the grand suite at the tippy top of the hotel.

Imagine every time you walk out to your car, you are drenched in sweat.

Everyone is drenched in sweat all the time.

It's horrifying.

There are no outside activities.

Summer in Texas starts in March and ends in late September.

I feel like Texas is this huge dragon that sleeps from October until February.

And when it's awake it tries to drain every human soul in Texas of their bodily fluids until they all become pieces of bacon.

And then we all become bacon.

The crispy kind not the chewy kind.

Because nobody realized that dragons absolutely LOVE crispy bacon.

Especially crispy bacon people.

And this dragon doesn't just like crispy bacon people, he likes crispy bacon people BITS.

At this point everyone is trying to avoid being broken down to bits so we stay inside where its cool.

But for those few minutes that you are walking from your house to your car or from your car to the store...

You're becoming bacon.

Day by day.

Bacon.



So if anyone ever asks me what it's like to live in Texas, I simply respond with "Imagine yourself as a piece of bacon".



Yeah.