Unicorn?  Did y'all say somethin' 'bout a unicorn? 


Lemme tell ya, I was 17 when I saw my first unicorn.  Well… first and last, I should say. 


I saw it through the scope of my rifle, and I didn't even register the silver horn peakin' out its goddamn silver mane till after that there silver blood started gushin'.  Yep, caught a lotta flack for that one - ya know, seein's how it was the last one 'en all. 


Still don't really get what all the huff was about neither… monochromatic motherfucker.  A goddamn borin' thang if you ask me! 


'Course, nobody really said nuthin' to me 'bout it… I reckon they's too busy reelin' over 'the death of magic,' or some such nonsense.  Death of magic?  Sheeit, I seen people drive cars that park themselves!  And parallel park no less.  Now that's magic!


Psh… death of magic


And let me tell ya, Momma was embarrassed.  Partly cuz of the tabloids and gossip rags, but mostly cuz Pa insisted on mountin' its gussied up silver head over the goshdarn fireplace. 


"Compliments the mermaid!" says Pa.


...But wasn't s'posed to tell none o' y'all folks 'bout that motherfuckin' mermaid.