I don’t like beginnings. First days. Introductions. Starting points.
They’re all code words for hard.
I like middles. Once you hit the middle you know where you’re going. You’re comfortable. You know what things are like. You know your professors and how they grade. What your boss expects of you. How long it will take you to finish. You can see an end in sight - and I love when it surprises you because you didn’t see it coming at the beginning.
As long as it’s a good surprise any way. Not a bad one. Nothing like breaking up with your lover, killing a beloved character or your car breaking down after a crappy day at work. Those are bad endings. They feel bad at least.
Except when they start a new beginning.
That’s the thing about beginnings. Why they’re so hard and so blissful at the same time. You always have more of them. Every end leads to a new beginning.
The problem is that the nerves never go away. Not for me at least. Perhaps that’s the problem with being an introvert. I always want to know what I’m doing and where I’m going. I’m okay with being surprised and rolling with the punches, but at the beginning I have to have a plan, a destination. I have to have something so that I can see the next step, and not all beginnings provide that.
Nope, I don’t like beginnings. Most of the time.
You think I’d be used to them by now.
Beginnings are hard.