it is beginning to get dark.it will take 2 hours more.
even then if i went outside i would find light in the air.
but i am inside and i have been all day .
I am sitting by a window which is open a crack and
i can feel the cooling air on my arm.
The last hours of Tuesday trying to touch me.The outside winding it's way to me.
'i knew you were here ' it seems to say.
' and you knew i was outside why did you not
come out to me?How could you ignore me like that?
I burned a sun in the sky for you and
painted the heavens with a million cloud stories.
But you would not come out.
I swayed the trees and put songs in the mouths of birds
for you. I sprinkled rain drops to cool you and tickle you.
i sent a wind, you could have blown bubbles.
Why just look out at me like that?
i know you wanted me - you couldn't pass a
window without looking out at me.
You heard the cat I sent to call at your door.
You admired the perfume of cut grass that
i willed through your walls. I think that was your weakest moment. You looked for your keys
and phone in a half hearted way for about six seconds.
But you couldn't think where your shoes were and that was enough for you to change your mind.
More tea , more emails, more texts,more guitar ,
more singing, more washing up and cooking,
more talking on the phone and reading .
and that computer!And now what is
that you are doing? scribbling away furiously
as if you have only a few minutes
to write your dying words.I am done with you.
You disappointed me.
But I'll be back tomorrow.'
I am absolutely going to have to go outside tomorrow , who knew life wanted to write me such a guilt inducing note ?