The end was the beginning. I died, you see. Literally, not figuratively. I died a rather painful death and went straight to Hell. Did not pass Go...did not collect $200.

But Hell wasn't what I thought it would be. I think all of you would be surprised. Well, most of you. Hell was...is...a place in West Texas. In fact, I had been there many times before, but we called it Presidio. It was 110 degrees in the shade, the first time I went. And hotter than that the next 8 or 9 times. That should've been a clue, right?

In the past, that is when I was alive, we would go to Presidio because that was the only way to get to Ojinaga. Ojinaga, like all Mexican border towns had a La Zona Rosa. Aka Boystown. The bars in La Zona Rosa were filled with prostitutes. Some beautiful, some ugly, most somewhere in-between. The bars were also filled with horny boys, young men, old men. Kind of disgusting really. But it was something all of us young horny boys/men did if you lived in Texas.

The last time I was there as a human was also the time I died. I was killed by a Mexican Federal Police Officer...a Federale. He shot me 9 times. Apparently, like a cat I only had nine lives. The last shot finally killed me. But before I died, I writhed in pain, screaming like a baby for "my momma." 

Said Federale, actually killed the wrong guy. He was looking for drug cartel member...a lieutenant..."El Guero". El Guero was one bad motherfucker. He was Hispanic but looked like a gringo. He looked like me. Now I'm dead.

So, here I am now...in Hell...in Presidio. All of us guys in Hell are loading up in a mini-van...red, of course. It's the shuttlebus to La Zona Rosa in Ojinaga. Looks like I'm going back, una mas tiempo. I'll keep y'all posted.