i have always found beginnings easier than ends. people talk about loose ends, i imagine them flapping about like undone laces in the wind. i've never liked endings much. the sour feeling when you find yourself on the last page of a thrilling book. and it's over and it's gone. and that world doesn't exist passed that point. time, in the world of the characters you've grown to love, pauses infinitely. beginnings are easier. tentative beginnings, beginnings you weren't expecting, butterflies, nerves. there is hope in new starts. fresh eyes, new places yet to be explored, unravelling happy idiosyncracies of new lovers. i have dealt with a lot of loss in my life, i have grown quite indifferent to it at times, accepted it readily. although bad things can end too and you will feel all the better for it, losing something always comes at a price, even losing things you've been trying to get rid of. i think about the tarot card of death, how it doesn't spell out the untimely end of a loved one, but represents change. humans are incredible at adapting to change but stubborn at accepting it. we're creatures of habit, we like our routines, our strongholds that keep us anchored to the ground when it seems like we're destined to get swept away. it's comforting, having your toothbrush on the right of the sink and your toothpaste on the left and putting your hands down either side of the taps at bedtime and knowing they're going to be there. most people read the same newspaper, visit the same websites day in and day out, tune in to the same radio stations. i remember how odd it felt when i was little to listen to the wrong radio jingles when we were on long car journeys, the alien prefixes of telephone numbers from other cities, someone else's local, someone else's home comfort. but we always do adapt to new things, new places, new jobs, new colleagues. some people thrive on novelties, while other's perspire at finding their favourite brand of cereal out of stock. what funny creatures we are. and each person different for how long it takes them to adjust. but we always do.