25 things I might be able to tell people:
1. I’ve never posted a list of facts about myself on the internet. It scares me. I have lots of reasons, many of which are quite valid I’m sure, but for some reason everytime I type one out, I have to delete it. I think this is because I’m afraid of sounding like I think I know what I’m talking about. I don’t. I’m not sure of anything. It seems like everything is like water, moving, changing always. Even me. If I say something now, maybe it won’t be true, or maybe it will be but only for a short space/time. Take this list for example, you are obviously reading it after I wrote it, which I haven’t done yet. So you are now reading what I’m going to write about who I think I am in the past. Does that make sense? Of course not, but it explains why I’m sure to misrepresent myself here.
2. I feel scared a lot, maybe most of the time, but it’s very rarely based on anything real, and sometimes on nothing at all. But though I may feel frightened, or vulnerable, or intimidated, or whatever, and though I might seem like a startled little animal at times, I know it isn’t true. In fact I’m a very strong person. I’m certain of this, I’ve seen proof. It’s just this doubting disease that makes me think I’m afraid of everything when really, I’m a mama bear.
3. There’s a little place inside of me in which I feel with intuitive certainty that I can do anything. Anything. In this part of me, I could never be convinced that I couldn’t grow wings and fly if I wanted it in just the right way.
4. A list about me wouldn’t be, if I didn’t include my husband. He’s the light. He soothes me. Here I won’t even try to find words to explain. Just think of the best feeling you’ve ever had, a full body feeling with a real physical presence. Now add warm golden sun flickering on windy leaves, and knowing that you’re safe, and butterflies. That should sort of give you an impression of what I might say here if words were adequate. Maybe. Anyway, he’s the bee’s knees, and his love is what makes it possible (makes it awesome) to be me.
5. I try not to think superstitious thoughts because I’m afraid I’ll make myself adhere to the superstition even though I don’t believe in it.
6. I am blessed with two amazing children. They are creative and smart and funny and thoughtful. They fill my life with sunshine and laughter and excellent questions. I’m so grateful that I get to share this loving family experience with them. I can’t imagine what their futures hold; those two are capable of anything.
7. I used to want to know as much as I could about everything. This was before I knew about computers and search engines and an overabundance of facts, so “everything” meant something different. but still. I do not feel this way now. I think that we’re responsible for everything we know and I don’t want to carry all that weight. It clutters my mind, gets all mixed up, and distracts me from the present moment.
8. Regarding all the things I hope to accomplish in this life: I’ve got plenty of goals and aspirations, most likely not too different from your own, but please God, let me be a peaceful loving presence, and everything else is gravy.
9. One of my very favorite things to do is to lay back and look up into a leafy tree with sunlight filtering through it. There’s something about the exchange of shadow and light that seems to take me to a different dimension.
10. I feel that animals are people. I don’t eat people.
11. I think that anything that’s really real or important about me (or you) can’t be listed, can’t be labeled, can’t be trapped by the confines of words. But I think that to see the meaning of anything, I need to look where the words are pointing. And to understand the meaning of anything, I need to go there.
12. (continued from previous thought) Sometimes I don’t bother to look there or go there or even give a care. There is so much here that simply isn’t real. The result is that I don’t really have any sure footing when it comes to knowing about anything.
13. I love lame jokes. The kind kids tell. The cornier the better. They tickle me, amuse me, generally please me. I’ll give some examples for those who are interested, everyone else, skip to number 14:
------ what do you call a fly without wings? - a walk
------ why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner helmet? - she was on a crash diet
------ what do you call a parrot in a raincoat? - polly unsaturated
-tom sawyer who?
tom saw-yer underwear!
14. I do not think it is funny when people get hurt. The expression, “your pain is my pain,” fits here.
15. Sometimes I laugh at inappropriate times. And sometimes I laugh too loudly.
16. I think Dr. Seuss was as great a poet and prophet as Kahlil Gibran.
17. I believe in the power of ritual and repetition. I believe in the power of prayer.
18. I love a good stretch.
19. I have nightmares almost every night.
20. I think lying is disgusting, but make-believe is delicious.
21. I think it is so very important to be kind to one another.
22. One of the things I love about HitRECord, is that I get to observe the creation of pieces of art by some very talented for real artists, in a way that I don’t think is possible anywhere else. The whole process is displayed for everybody equally, and wow, some of it really blows me away. How cool to be a fly on the wall in a room where all of this is happening.
23. HitRECord is the first place I’ve shared any drawings, etc. in a public way.
24. Making records has become a practice for me. I guess you could say I’m hooked. In a way, I think of it like a walking meditation. And it’s a self-perpetuating machine; the more I make, the more I want to make.
25. Your hearts really inspire me and encourage me. Again, I can’t find words. I’m just really grateful to be a part of this. Thank you.