There is nothing attractive about him, really.

He is too tall; even attempting to kiss would just make our necks hurt.

Speaking of which, his mouth is too thin; not kissable at all. 

His eyes are not brown enough; they actually shine amber when the light hits them at a certain angle.

His hands are too soft, and his embrace too warm; I always feel like falling asleep in his arms, and that's not good.

He is immature; always doing things that he knows will make me laugh that obnoxious laugh that always, always attracts stares. I don't understand why he wants me to laugh so much, especially to such an extent. It’s embarrassing.

He is also a Republican; that automatically means he’s the devil.

These are the reasons I shouldn’t like him, because they certainly aren’t legitimate reasons to like him.

In fact, there are no legitimate reasons to like him.

None.

At all. 

So why can’t I stop staring?