This is the opening paragraph to a book that does not exist. It is precisely 6 sentences long and takes approximately 47 seconds to read. It introduces Miranda Roberts, a 36 year old former model struggling with the inevitability of her own death, Cliff Clinton, a balding VP with a penchant for sado-masochistic sex games and Annabel Carmichael, a pre-school teacher desperate to find that one perfect guy. This is the fourth sentence and it achieves nothing other than asserting its own existence. Asserting one’s existence is important, but should perhaps be reserved for a later point in the book when the pressure to grab the reader’s attention is less acute. Now, ladies and gents - brace yourself for the most amazing story never written.