"Well, once again it looks like everything is in order for your vacation."

"We haven't even been over the most important parts yet and this is CRUCIAL!"

"Okay?"

"When you turn off the tv, you MUST first turn to channel 3."

"Okay. Any reason why?"

"Just do it for me! When you lock up, you must turn the key 15 times back and forth before leaving. And when you get home, lock the deadbolt 9 times."

"Okay, this is getting weird."

"I know, right!? Now listen. When you water the plants, you MUST touch every single leaf of each of them while singing the first 3 verses of the Star Spangled Banner."

"What?! This is insane! What do you think will happen if I don't do these crazy things?"

"Something terrible. A horrible sense of dread and impending doom will wash over me and remain until you do them."

"Holy shit! How do you live like this?"

"I manage."

"Well, wow. Anything about washing hands or stepping on cracks?"

"Oddly enough, no. I've never practiced the more well known OCD habits."

"Well, aren't YOU alternative!"

"Yeah... So I can depend on you to do this for me?"

"Yes, I promise. Is there anything else I should know?"

"Yes, every morning when you wake up, you must look into the mirror and convince yourself that someone else is taking over this burden for you and you can finally lead a normal life."

"Like you are doing right now?"

"Yes. We can get through this."