FADE IN:

INT. CANTEEN - DAY.

KELLY is sat by herself at the usual table, looking very unhappy indeed.

We spot NATHAN seated some way away in the b.g., his back to her.

BRIAN seats himself across from Kelly and immediately takes note of her mood.

BRIAN

Usually I'm the scowl-y one.

KELLY

Not in the mood, Brian.

BRIAN

Fair enough.

Brian belatedly notes Nathan's change of lunch table location.

BRIAN

Oh, Kelly. You didn't, did you?

KELLY

Didn't what?

(sees where Brian is looking)

I couldn't just say nothing, could I? Best he knows now so he doesn't spend ages getting his hopes up about something that will never happen.

BRIAN

(dubious)

If you say so.

KELLY

(defensive)

Oh. So if you heard I fancied you or something, you'd just ignore that information, would you?

BRIAN

That's about the size of it. Ignoring things is by far the easiest route toward the inevitable car crash.

KELLY

I thought you were smart, Brian.

BRIAN

I don't remember saying that was a smart plan.

KELLY

No, you didn't, actually.

She pokes her fork into her father limp-looking salad, brooding.

KELLY

I hate that I've lost him as a friend.

BRIAN

Did he say that?

KELLY

No. But he's not sitting here anymore, is he?

Brian waves a hand dismissively, obviously not sharing her doom and gloom outlook. Surely a first.

BRIAN

He's just nursing what little ego of his you've managed to wound. He'll get over it, trust me.

KELLY

(suspicious)

Have you been talking to him?

BRIAN

Hell no. I don't even know what department he works in.

KELLY

(sheepish)

Neither do I.

(beat)

I don't think he's okay with being just friends.

BRIAN

Well, what did you say to him, exactly? Walk Uncle Brian through it.

KELLY

Before we continue with this conversation, I want to make it clear that anymore mentions of "Uncle Brian," and I'm leaving this table.

BRIAN

Noted. Please continue.

KELLY

Okay. I found him outside the men's room on the third floor --

BRIAN

And by found I assume you mean "waited for", right?

KELLY

Yeah.

BRIAN

Deeply disturbing. Go on.

KELLY

How else was I supposed to find him? I dunno which department he works in any more than you do, remember? We just had that conversation!

BRIAN

Still...waiting outside the place where guys go to pee and...other things.

KELLY

Poop?

BRIAN

Yeah, that.

KELLY

(giggling)

Can't you say --

BRIAN

(talking over her)

We're wandering away from the point here.

KELLY

Oh, right. Yeah, so I asked him if we could have a little chat --

Brian GROANS.

Kelly ignores him.

KELLY

And he was like fine, yeah.

BRIAN

Because he thought you were going to tell him something good! That's what "chat" implies.

KELLY

I'm so sorry. Next time I'll let you write my 'thanks, but no thanks' speech, shall I?

BRIAN

Couldn't do you any harm.

KELLY

(sarcastic)

We're wandering away from the point here.

BRIAN

Fine, fine. You did at least tell him you'd be happy being his friend and nothing more, right?

KELLY

Of course.

BRIAN

Then, like I said, I don't think you've got anything to worry about.

Kelly fidgets awkwardly.

KELLY

I...may have said a bit more than that.

BRIAN

Like what, exactly?

KELLY

That he was a little too...immature for me.

Brian GROANS again.

KELLY

You tell him that all the time!

BRIAN

But he doesn't want to date me, does he?

KELLY

Look, he asked me why I didn't see him that way, so I told him.

BRIAN

Couldn't you have let him down a little more gently?

KELLY

(angry)

What the hell would you know about letting someone down gently? And why should I have to pussyfoot around a guy, anyway? Just because you all have these stupid pride issues or whatever!

BRIAN

Fair point.

Kelly simmers down a bit, looking miserable and conflicted.

KELLY

I don't want to date Nathan. Ever. But I really do want him to be my friend. Is that even possible?

BRIAN

With most guys I'd say, probably not. But while Nathan is a pin-head, he seems pretty nice, so maybe it is.

KELLY

Okay.

(beat)

Why are you being so nice about this, anyway?

BRIAN

Maybe I like you two and don't want to see either you miserable unless I am the cause of said misery.

KELLY

(wry)

Thanks for the pep-talk, Brian Montgomery.

BRIAN

You are most welcome, Kelly Huang.

KELLY

So what do I do now?

BRIAN

You do nothing. You've made your position clear to Nathan, so now it's up to him.

KELLY

I never would've pegged you for a relationship guru, Brian.

BRIAN

I should be. I've failed at them often enough.

Kelly LAUGHS. So does Brian.

Over Kelly's shoulder we see Nathan approaching cautiously. Their laughter stops him in his tracks.

He turns around and leaves the canteen.

FADE TO BLACK.

END.