A: ‘If I tell you something will you promise not to laugh?’

B: ‘Uh...okay, sure.’

A: ‘Well last night I was about to have some, you know, sexy time by myself before bed and...’

B: ‘Oh god...’

A: ‘I fell asleep.’

B: ‘Wait, what?’

A: ‘I fell asleep. I woke up after 2 o’clock with it in my hand poised, ready for action.’

B: ‘And then...’

A: ‘And then' what? It was after 2 fucking o’clock, I rolled over and went back to sleep.’

B: ‘You realize that means you suck in bed, right? Like, if you can’t keep yourself happy how can you make someone else happy, ya know?’

A: ‘Shut the fuck up.’