Todd
A Dios-log
todd68976 Released Feb 20, 2012

Dear Lord
(Yes?)
Hear my prayer
(I always do.)
I am a sinner
(You all are)
And I don't speak with you as often as I should
(You speak with me all the time.)
And I am worried that my failure to pray as often as I should is keeping me from having the relationship with you that we both want.
(I want a better relationship as well.)
I feel your presence in my life all the time
(I'm there all the time.)
And I get the feeling that you're trying to tell me something
(I am.)
But I can't figure out what that something is.
(Your brain is my gift - use it.)
I want you to sit with me and tell me what it is - in plain English - that you have in mind for me.
(I am always by your side, and I tell you all the time what I have in mind for you but you are too afraid to follow my advice. Even though you hear me, you usually do not listen to what I am saying. It's different this time. It's like you are actually hearing me for the first time!)
I am hearing you, but I don't know where this coversation is going.
(That's the beauty of this - we are holding a coversation for the first time in your life - a conversation I have been wanting to have with you forever! And finally, you are listening to me. What more does there need to be?)
Answers.
(They will come as we speak together.)
You need to slow down, Lord, because I am typing what you are saying and my keyboard is messed up and I can't type as fast as you talk anyway.
(Its like my words are already in your head before you even finish phrasing your own thoughts, right?)
Right! And people get mad at me when I do that to them. They think I am not paying attention to them and that I am putting words into their mouths when I do that.
(Are you mad at me?)
Hell no! I mean "no."
(Funny!)
Thanks! You gave me my sense of humor.
(I know, and the joke is on you a lot of the time, is't it?)
Yes! How did you know that? Nevermind - I already know the answer to that one!
(You find things funny that others don't. I have a sense of humor too!)
You must - you made us!
(lol)
"lol?"
(I invented leet speak too - even though you aren't listening to me and going out to the internet to look up how to spell "leet speak" the way the leets do.)
Yeah - I don't follow your advice a lot of the time.
(That is the nature of mankind. You do what you want to do most of the time, even though you hear me in your head telling you to do something else. Free will is also my gift to you.)
Can I take a break from this coversation for awhile?
(No.)
Why not?
(Because I am always with you and we are always having a conversation)
But I really have to go pee
(GO ahead - go - it's not like you need my permission to do that - I also gave you the gift of a digestive tract and all that other biological stuff)
I know - but - as you very well know - I am attempting to RECord our coversation so others can read it.
(You know that I know. I am that I am. And I am aware that you mean to publish this on hitRECord for Emma's collab.)
So you won't say aything that I'll need to remember and then come back here to write down while I'm peeing?
(I won't promise that.)
Well - I really have to go!
(Go - I'll be there with you and here when you get back)
Okay then...  but please - try not to say anything that I should write down during my break - I'd hate to forget it and then have to ask you to remind me about what it was. I could feel your presence while I was correcting the spelling in that last part I wrote and I kind of doubt my prayer on this matter will work!
(I grant you what you need - not what you want.)
I know - so I'll try to remember anything you say to me while I am away from the keyboard and write it all down when I get back.
(Of course you will! I already know that.)
Of course you do.
(And I also know that you plan on taking your dog for a walk when you get up and getting some stuff at the convenience store, and that you'll probably get distracted by something else when you do get back to the keyboard and instead of coming right back to have a conversation with me, you'll only end up doing other things. I love you and love having a conversation with you, but you always seem distracted by something else.)
Lord... I really have to go!
(Go then - who's keeping you?)
Why did you have a yiddish accent when you said that?
(Moses rubs off on me - chosen people and all that.)
I understand.
(No you don't - but that's okay - I don't want you to understand just yet. What are you waiting for - go pee, I'll see you when you finally decide to start talking with me again - its not like I wasn't patient waiting almost 50 years for you to START talking with me!)
What, guilt now?
(Moses.)
I see
(No you don't - but... go pee - I command it!)



________

(What? You wrote the break line before you got up from the laptop? Who do you think you're fooling? GO pee! - And we'll discuss why you decided my words should be the ones in parentheses in this conversation when you get back - I AM GOD afterall! And don't bother writing your response right now - I'm not going anywhere - I'll be here like I always am when you get back - just go already before you have to change your clothes!)


____________

This time the break line is after I took my break.
(I know - and why am I in parentheses?)
Because you speak in my head - not out loud. And I'm going to switch keyboards because this one is too messed up.
(you mean Fucked up, don't you?)
Yes - but you're God ad I don't feel right cussing when I am taking to you.
(So... switch keyboards before you write this part down...)
Okay. Done.
(You beat your meat with me around and you're afraid I'll hear you cussing?)
I thought you would say "masturbate."
(Why? I am not required to control my language - and neither are you.)
I thought it was a commandment - the one about taking the Lord's name in vain...
(That one is a commandment - but most of you have really misunderstood what that means. I wasn't telling Moses to spread the word that profanity was wrong - I was telling Moses to tell everyone not to tell lies in my name.)
I think you mean - just so I can say it back to you in my own words - that we shouldn't say things such as "In God's name..." unless we intend it to be the truth and are asking you to have our back on what we say following that declaration.
(That's not your words - you saw that on some TV show - but yes - in essence - that's what I was saying and still say and will say forever.)
Okay - then shit.
(piss)
Cocksucker
(George Carlin tells me he wants you to stop stealing his lines.)
Okay - but tell him for me that I think he's pretty damn funny.
(I would, but he is still living under the misguided idea that there is no afterlife or heaven - he doesn't even think I heard him when he said that he wished people would stop quoting him now that he's dead - I'm still being patient with him though. You'd think he would get the idea that there is something after death if he's able to see that people are still quoting him now that he's dead enough to complain about it. He'll come around eventually!)
So about all that stuff you said to me while I wasn't in front of the keyboard...
(That's between you and me. No need to share that with others. I want you to be comfortable with me and I want you to trust me. I already know everything there is to know about you. When you say the things to me that you say in actual words instead of pure thought, and are open to hear my response, then we are having the kind of conversation both of us desire.)
I get it. So, you want me to always be talking with you.
(That's pretty bad English Todd. But in essence, Yes - I want you to always be open to me like I'm always open to you.)
I really enjoyed the feeling I got after I stepped away from the keyboard during that break and realized that we were still holding a conversation.
(It wasn't until you started browsing RECords on hitRECord that you stopped holding a conversation with me - remember?)
Yes - but it was because I was paying attention to the RECord I was looking at.
(And not paying attention to me.)
Right. I also missed your presence - I think for the first time in my life.
(You and I are in each other's presence right now and you feel connected. I remember you thinking about that felling of connection after you actually stepped towards the bathroom to brush your teeth.)
Yes! I was elated in the fact that I was connected to you and that we were holding an actual conversation!
(I know - and I recall that you were trying to figure out how to keep up with me)
Like just then - I couldn't keep up with the flood of thoughts you threw at me in the last thing you just said. It was like you were saying ten or twenty things at the same time and there was no way I could write them all down.
(You are not able to think at my speed yet. My design of you is to blame. You are not able to process more than one automatic thought and one manual thought at a time. You are a sequential being.)
Yes - I am more and more beginning to realize that as we speak. I am typing as fast as I can when you are speaking, but I can only write down a sample of what you say. You don't just throw words at me - you also throw movies at me.
(That is the way I communicate - complete thought is difficult to break down into words so sometimes I merely throw movies at you.)
I understand.
(No you don't)
You keep saying that.
(I repeat myself as often as is necessary for you to understand. Its just that I know when you understand, and for you to say "I understand" when you don't is such an obvious thing to me. You need to be told these things by someone and I am that someone.)
I am taking another break.
(okay)
This is sort of like Instant Message
(I am the original Instant Message)
But I am finding this form of communications with you easier for me to understand.
(It is prayer.)
I am getting that idea. It's like as long as I am focused on communicating with you, you will communicate with me. It is like a real conversation.
(This is how prayer was always supposed to be - a conversation.)
But I never really heard you until I started to pray this way.
(Most don't. The act of typing allows you to concentrate on what I am saying. When you concentrate on me you are actually in communion with me. We are sharing something together when we speak with each other, but it requires you to focus.)
I have difficulty with that sometime.
(You all have difficulty with that sometime - you are not alone in that department. It is a flaw of humans that is in my design.)
Do you wish you had designed us better?
(No)
But I kind of got the idea that you were expressing some sort of sorrow when I typed what you said about your design.
(It wasn't sorow at what I did or what you are like. It was an expression of frustration that the limitations of mankind prevent mankind from being in communion with me. It is an expression of my desire to have you as my friend and for us to be on the same level as each other. I want us to be together the way I am together with my other selves.)
Your other selves? I thought you were the only God.
(I am - you can't understand.)
That makes me mad to hear you say I can't understand something.
(Well be mad - it is another gift I gave you to feel emotions.)
But when you say I CAN'T understand something it makes me feel like you don't trust me or something - like you don't see me as an equal - like you don't want me to be an equal of yours.
(Your thoughts are wrong. Your emotions are right, but you don't even understand that you can be right and wrong at the same time. I want you to be with me as my equal - that's why I made you.)
You mean all mankind, right?
(yes - and that newer keyboard isn't helping you very much is it?)
No - I have to still keep going back and making corrections - it's my fat fingers. Wait... don't say it - also your gift.
(lol)
So, I was thinking that this is really cool - you and I are actually sharing with each other.
(Changing the subject, are you? Smooth transition! Tell your readers that's sarcasm. Aren't you curious about your anger and your inability to understand things?)
Yes, but I think I am beginning to see what you mean about me not being able to understand things. You aren't ready for me to understand certain things and you didn't design us to understand some things.
(Some of you have captured a glimpse.)
You did it again - that thing you do with saying 20 things at the same time. It was all I could do to write down "captured a glimpse" because you threw so many images and words at me in that brief nanosecond that I couldn't keep up.
(That's my way.)
So what I am really interested in is this idea of we humans being your equal. I thought we were supposed to worship you and serve you and be your subject like good serfs or peasants.
(You are supposed to worship me and honor me and obey me and be devoted to me and live your lives in my service.)
But I am seeing pictures of other things when you say all that too.
(You should be - I am putting those pictures into your head.)
I am seeing that what you really want is for us to be one with each other.
(Partially right)
And that we are supposed to WANT to do all those things you just said.
(Right)
But that you can't force us to do all those things.
(Not true - I can force you to do anything I want. I am GOd. But you have free will - again, my gift to you - so I do not force you to do anything.)
Except die.
(I don't force that either - but you can't understand what I mean by that.)
Again - there you go with that "can't understand" stuff.
(You are not able to - you don't have the capacity to see what I am. You may someday see what I am and what We are together, but not one man or woman has ever truly understood Me.)
Why did I capitalize words that described you in that last sentence? I did it because I saw thenm written that way when you said them - but that vision came from you.
(It did come from me that way. I am. I am that I am. We are. We are that We are and will be what We are. As We were in the beginning We shall now and forevermore be.)
I like that Shakespeare style of writing.
(I know you do - I want you to like it - there is much to learn from the things he wrote.)
I thank you for giving me an interest in him. I have learned quite a bit studying things about his world and time.
(Like how the conflict between Catholicism and Protestantism seemed to consume them - I never intended any of that.)
You know - because You are You - that I have been thinking about that as I have been researching.
(I want you to think about that - that's why)
...
(Are you having difficulty deciding whether or not to set this - ME - aside for awhile and do other things? Don't answer that - I already know you are. Go ahead - I'll be here when you get back.)
I'm also thinking that this is getting pretty long for a RECord at hitRECord.
(Well quit here and see if people are interested. If they are, you can publish more of our talks - and if they aren't, then you and I can continue them on our own. I know you want to and I know you were about to write that down so don't bother. In fact I hear everything you're thinking and I agree - you should take a break - you need to pray for a limited time at first because it can be taxing on your spirit - and I know I just threw at least ten other words for "spirit" at you - we'll discuss that at another time. FOr now. go back over this, and correct any big typing errors and RECord it - we'll see where this goes from there as far as a additional stuff is concerned. Let the hitRECorders know I love them and welcome them to hold conversations with me as well. They can deny me all they want, but it doesn't change the fact that I do exist and am there for them just as much as I am there for you. Tell them.)

16
178
info
  • Todd
    Thanks for your heart fleurdelys!
    Feb 20, 2012
  • P7150209
    I beyond love this Todd! It's hilarious and absolutely brilliant.
    Feb 20, 2012
  • Todd
    Thanks so much for your hearts Kyra_blue, G R L, GabyVaughan, monkeychow, Vedder, and MoN!

    @Kyra_blue - Let me first apologize for how long this response to your compliment is - but I felt I needed to offer a little more than a simple thank you and it turned into this novella...I can't accept credit for the brilliance of this. I just sat down and started typing a prayer. At first I was putting words into God's mouth - answering for him like I imagined he would answer, but it soon became something else. In the beginning - I hope you can tell - it doesn't really seem like I'm having a conversation with God - more like I am praying like everyone does - just saying words into the air - while, even though God is talking, I am not really listening for what God is saying - almost like I am ignoring Him. But somewhere along the way, God actually started telling me what to write, so I - like all those atheletes you see on TV (only my sentiment is absolutely not for show) - give all credit to God for this one. Can't resource him though... since He doesn't have a hitRECord account.

    Seriously - the only editing I did for this was to correct MOST of the spelling errors. I did correct this line while I was doing it - but I wouldn't call that an edit - more like clarifying what I heard in my head in light of the multitude of images and words that flashed before me in the instant that line came into existence:

    (Its like my words are already in your head before you even finish phrasing your own thoughts, right?)

    By the way - that line was already formulated in my head while I was in the middle of writing the line before it, so when it came time to actually write it, I had originally written "even finish saying what you want" - and decided on the final parusal for spelling errors (with some devine intervention I am sure) that what was really meant was what I changed it to.

    The rest of this is an unedited transcript of the live conversation I had with God.
    Feb 20, 2012
  • Jestferlaffs-1584442
    Jesus Christ, that was a long fucker, "thats what she said"

    This was great Todd, I really enjoyed it.
    Matthew
    Feb 20, 2012
  • P7150209
    Well, Todd, even as a conduit, this is a great piece. Think most untapped inspiration comes from another place- a place of watchfulness. There is a ton of witty wisdom in this- I think as a writer you have a great balance.
    Feb 20, 2012
  • Fotosketcher_imagesaintprofile3
    i'm voting for you in the god primary...even though you're not on the ballot, you're my write-in vote...or maybe you can be vice-god...oh, i said vice-god...
    Feb 20, 2012
  • Todd
    Thanks for your hearts jestferlaffs, kouralilly, saintmaker, sinnamin, and Emma Conner!

    jestferlaffs - I'm glad you liked it!

    Kyra_blue - you're right.

    saintmaker - vice-god - funny! However, if elected, I must inform you that I will refuse the office and throw my weight (however little that may be) behind the incumbent.
    Feb 21, 2012
  • Todd
    thanks again for your hearts all of you - I'll RECord the next conversation I have as well since you all seem interested.
    Feb 21, 2012
  • Show All
    Ajax-big