hitRECord

Thank you both for your comments sorry such a late reply...I love your interpretation of the poem, it is one of the only poems I have ever written...It's great that people take the meaning that fits best with how they read it.
The poem for me was written based on someone who helped me greatly in my life...her name just happened to be Eliana which can mean 'daughter of the sun'...hence the title :)

2012-04-19 02:33:49 -0400

by sallyiheart
I pretty much agree with tootwo's comments! Thanks for contributing sally, awesome job!

2012-02-07 08:52:19 -0500

by ThadicalRadical
i think this is a great foundation to create a really wonderful and rich piece of work. my interpretation of your work may be completely unlike what you had intended, but that may help you for future revisions.

as i read your poem, i had the feeling that you were talking about the sun and the earth and their relationship with one another. i enjoyed how your first stanza was about the creation of the earth, the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th stanzas seemed to represent different times of day: sunrise, noon, and sunset, with the "daughter" finally having enough confidence to journey alone into darkness (if this interpretation is incorrect, please forgive me... the following critique will be offered based on this interpretation!).

i really liked the progression you used with the last line in every stanza, each representing a different cycle of life: the failing, the regaining, the independence, they punctuated the piece nicely and kept the poem moving in a strong direction. i'm a huge fan of imagery, and i love the use of color... it added a vibrancy that really brought itself to the forefront of my imagination.

one thing i noticed was that you very purposefully named your piece, "Daughter of the Sun", which i loved. however, if i had read your piece without knowing its title, i wouldn't be able to decipher a gender you assigned to the first-person. i would maybe think about adding details that indicate feminism, or at least the relationship between daughter and parent. I think that would really bring more parallels to the surface of the poem.

i would also suggest using the word 'journey' as a verb in your first line, as you did in the second to the last line. i think 'to make a journey' sounds a bit awkward when compared to the flow of '[so] i can journey alone".

All in all, great piece. as i said before, i think this is a great foundation for a really rich and wonderful text! i cant wait to see revisions!

2012-02-06 18:55:10 -0500

by tootwofoursquare
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Sally

1 Recommendation

3 Comments

	I make my journey, searching for a place of growth, I do not know the strength in me. Though the quicksand takes my ankles. I falter. In turquoise and green, I find you a spark of yellows, of brightness you venture round the corner. I hesitate to bring you with me, a smile. I settle. Like clay I mould and stretch, together we get stuck. Though I can feel a change, I'm growing. Tangible and strong, you support. I find my feet. We know not what will come after, diagrams and reflections, I follow your sparks. I find my yellows, with strength I carry them with me. So that I can journey alone. I grow.