Point of Reference - Jess Pillmore ©2005 Jess Pillmore/Roadworm Music (ASCAP) 

I tried to shorten my life

living as fast as I could.

I was always the life of the party,

folklore of the neighborhood.

Oh, the stories they tell, they tell,

and you thought you knew me well.

I’d come home to find my dad out on the lawn

3 o’clock in the morning all senses gone.

And I was the “lucky one”,

I got to see him hit rock bottom.

     Just once

     try to imagine.

     Look where I came from,

     see where I stand.

     You get lost in “my fault”'s and “I wish you wouldn’t”'s.

     For the sake of clarity, please,

     use this point of reference.

I learned too early that respect was going to be hard won.

There he was wrapped around another woman,

he said, “Do you want to hit me, son?”

That drew a concrete line,

between the lies he lives

and all of mine.

I moved out of his house before I could even drive.

There I was furnishing my apartment,

dragging it all by the roadside.

You could say he taught me how to survive,

and mask the pain

by getting high.

     Just once

     try to imagine.

     Look where I came from,

     see where I stand.

     You get lost in my silence and isolation...

     For the sake of clarity, please,

     use this point of reference.

                 All your good intentions are wasted.

                 You can’t wipe clean my past.

                 I was pulled taut by that tension.

                 My well worn hide’s now proven to last.

                 You can’t pull me out of that danger.

                 You can’t kiss and mend every bruise.

                 I didn’t find you to replace any savior.

                 You’ll have to love me used.

Every brother has inherited dad’s adultery.

I think that’s why I’m constantly moving

so his genes never catch up to me.

Yet for advice I’m the one they call.

Their illusion of me is so unbelievable.

“I’m a flake. I disappear.

Maybe a postcard once a year”.

So many sarcastic punchlines are ringing in my ears.

If they want to see me that way, that’s fine.

They have their truths

and I have mine.

     Just once

     try to imagine.

     Look where I came from,

     see where I stand.

     You get lost in my jokes and family ribbings...

     For the sake of clarity, please,

     use this point of reference.