In the morning... 

I use whitening toothpaste to whiten my already-white teeth.

I spend 30 minutes using special makeup and techniques to achieve a natural look.

I carefully iron my already straight hair that I recently dyed in my natural color.

I put green contacts in my green eyes.

I put a bra that promises youthful perky round breasts on my youthful perky round breasts.

When I finally leave the house, I am all done up like me.

Which is, of course, better than being just me.